JOURNAL #1: “it’s not the dead ones you should worry about..”

of course I used a picture from Six Feet Under here.

last week, I had a friend come to Ottawa from out of town. Every so often during his visit, he’d asked me how I ‘deal’ with being around DEATH all the time [see point 3 in my ’05 things about the author!’ for details of what I mean] I really hadn’t really thought about it until he brought the point up.. so without further ado, here is my first Journal entry about just that: “how I deal with being around DEATH

[NOTE: I can not go fully into detail for fear of disrespecting a family. plus, I’m under contract saying I won’t]

for starters, I’ve come to learn a lot about myself: I’ve learned that I’m stronger — mentally and physically — than I ever thought I was, and that life is every bit as precious as your elders tell you it is. seriously.

Secondly, I’ve come to realize [but only after the first few months] that I have developed an almost ‘switch’ in my brain that allows me to ‘switch off my emotions’ .. which is why I don’t find myself breaking down whenever I get a call to go to a car crash, suicide or younger adult deaths — it’s simply become: ‘part of the job’.

the final part that’s worth mentioning is the families. [say, if I had to go to the family home of the deceased, or something similar] though this is second nature now, when I first started; I was terrified to enter someone’s home, even if they knew my partner and I were coming: [especially because of the reason of being there is to ‘remove’ their [[now deceased]] family member] I’ve even had families give me trouble because of the fact that I’m 22 years old, saying things like “I’m too young to be doing this line of work” or that “they would rather someone else do the removal”. Other families are just plain rude, but since they just lost a loved one — I’ll let it slide.

In the end, I think of it as just a job that someone has to do — it just happens to be me. I’ve seen a good amount of DEATH over this past year: from car crashes to suicides, I have learned a lot about myself. and for that, I’m forever thankful. to end this Journal entry, I want to leave you with a thought: life is so damn precious that you shouldn’t just ‘give up’. regardless of what you’re going through, I promise it will get better. If you ever need someone to talk to: I’m sure family, friends, even I, am willing to talk to help you through whatever the situation may be. Never give up hope: life is worth the risk. So don’t be afraid to take it.


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