WARRENISWEIRD’S TOP 07 SCARIEST SANTA CLAUS’ IN HORROR

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Christmas, the holiday of cheer, joy and over-commercialization. Family and friends share gifts and meals and enjoy each others company, and Pine trees spread with tinsel and Christmas lists from anxious and over excited children! But behind all of the gifts and shining stars, is a dark and sinister world where Christmas can be a terrifying holiday. During the colder months of the year, this holiday brings about sinister elves, a naughty list, and, most of all: a large man in a red suit climbing down your chimney and into your home! Oh yes, Whether you like it or not, St. Nick is a terrifying figure himself! With Christmas being less than a week away, I’m here to show you not one, but seven Santa Claus‘ that show that a seemingly cheerful holiday is right around the corner from a fearful one! Here are my picks for the scariest Santa Claus’ in horror movies in no particular order! Be warned – as expected, some spoilers may or may not be in each description!

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SAINT [2010]

In many horror films, the creepy Santas are not the “real Santa”, but rather a guy in a Santa suit. This more sinister Santa though, is the real deal. In Saint – a Norwegian horror film – follows the traditional Dutch and Belgian tradition of St. Nicholas [or Sinterklaas as he’s called]. On his own birthday, December 5th, Sinterklaas awakens from his yearly slumber and rides across rooftops on his white horse dropping presents down good children’s chimneys. However, as we see in this film, Sinterklaas is actually fairly sadistic as we see him kidnap [and terrorizes] children! Forget dropping presents, this Santa wants his revenge for his murder centuries ago, and he is willing to take every naughty child along with him.

[watch the trailer here!]

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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM [2012]

Killer Santas can be real demented, and American Horror Story decided to take the classic serial killer Santa and make him just that much worse. This Santa, played by Ian McShane takes a path of revenge for his poor treatment in the asylum, reclaiming his Santa costume to commit more terror in the name of Father Christmas. With a throat that sounds like it’s full of rocks, McShane feels like the be-all-end-all of evil Santas.

[watch the preview for the episode here!]

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SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]

You have to almost feel sorry for the guy! In Silent Night, Deadly Night, a young boy [Billy] watches his parents be murdered at the hands of a man in a Santa suit. He is then raised in a orphanage where he is at the constant abuse at the hands of Mother Superior. As an adult, Billy’s job as a video store clerk has him wear a Santa suit for Christmas holidays, and well, so much for his sanity. This teenage Santa takes the award for most-unlikely-to-don-a-Santa-suit in this horror gem filled with plenty of inventive kills. [“strangulation by Christmas lights”]

[watch the trailer here!]

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RARE EXPORTS [2010]

Here’s one you might not have heard of! Rare Exports is full of original, and deep mythology of giant, humanoid creatures buried deep in the Earth. These myths helped to inspire the image of Santa Claus. In this Finnish film, we see Santa as a monster, not a serial killer or a legend, but a legitimate movie monster. A group of archaeologists uncover something they call “the largest burial mound in the world” only to uncover supernatural beings that punish naughty children. The stakes only rise higher when a reindeer herder captures one of the beasts. Rare Exports is a difficult film to put into one genre since it has elements of horror, fantasy, coming-of-age, and dark comedy – all wrapped in one; but it is a special [and terrifying] film that you need to seek out if you haven’t already!

[watch the trailer here!]

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CHRISTMAS EVIL [1980]

Who doesn’t like Christmas? Christmas Evil is a film that is truly terrifying and is often considered the best holiday horror film next to John Carpenter’s Halloween. Christmas Evil offers a complicated psychopath for the sinister Santa. The film follows a young boy who is traumatized when he discovers that Santa is not real.. by catching Santa getting jolly with his Mother on Christmas Eve[tough break, kid!] Flash forward to when he is an adult, and that boy – now a toy-maker – becomes obsessed with both making toys that children will love and analyzing the way children think. Naturally, society is not kind to grown men who hang around small children, and he is met with stares and angry parents. As expected in these kinds of films, he snaps.

[watch the trailer here!]

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TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [1989]

Arguably my favorite Santa on this list comes from an episode of one of my favortie shows: Tales From The Crypt! This episode gives us a woman who murders her husband, only to become the victim of an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus. What makes this episode so great is the fun performance by Larry Drake as Santa. He plays such a gross and gritty Santa in the best way that I cannot stress how great this short is!

[watch the full episode here!]

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A CHRISTMAS STORY [1983]

Okay, while technically this isn’t a horror film, but this movie is no laughing matter – Santa is still pretty damn scary! For many of us, one scene provides recurring nightmares and ruined mall trips forever – the Santa visit. What makes Ralphie’s Santa visit so terrifying is the reality that he will not get what he wants for Christmas, and even the big man in red will make sure you don’t have it! The bleached white beard and too red nose only make the imagery worse. Then his voice, as he bellows “Ho! Ho! Ho!” as he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his filthy boot just makes you scared! Take note people, Santa doesn’t have to hurt you to be scary!

[watch the trailer here!]


As obvious as it may come across as saying, not all Santas are nice. Whether you dig them up from a mound of dirt, or Santa is out for revenge, each one has their motive to stalk and go after kids.. which Santa was Your favorite? [or least favorite] Did he make Your list? Let me know in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

REAL HORROR: The Road Virus: Reading Is Infectious

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Good morning Boils and Ghouls. I have a special treat for you today that does not deal in horror movies, but rather horror books. Reading horror has always been a medium in the genre that I took a while to get into, but as soon as I met friends like Stephen King or R.L. Stine, horror took a new turn in my life: it became almost educational. After a crazy work week involving staying slightly later than being scheduled and finishing my application to school; [September 2017] I received an email from a fellow reader about something that he and his friend are doing. It is something I had never heard of and I am definitely backing them..as soon as I get paid next week.

Introducing The Road Virus: a mobile [fringe] bookstore with a specialty in horror. [now you’re talking!] Meet Em and Sade, two best friends who love books. It makes sense, as the two spent their childhood[s] in bookstores and libraries. With Sade being an author, and Em being a former librarian, the two set out on a course – a lifelong dream to own their very own bookstore[s]. However, due to their location, it became almost too difficult to do from scratch; especially for two people. So they came up with an idea: buy an ex-bookmobile and convert it into a full time living space and bookstore, which would in effect get rid of the need for pricey rent of space. The chance to combine the ideas of running their own bookstore as well as living in a self-sustainable manner is exceptional, and a really fantastic way of looking at things. Focusing on mainly horror, the duo also carry other genres such as sci-fi, fantasy, crime/thrillers, true crime, queer studies/lit, and more.There is, however, a catch. [isn’t there always?]

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The simple fact is that owning such a vehicle [bookmobile] is no cheap task: in their KickstarterSade and Em explain that they put a lot of money into their [lifelong] project, and I don’t mean just buying the bookmobile itself; we are talking about vehicle fixes, as well as stocking up on books themselves. [because they are bound to sell out fast!] They know exactly what they are planning, as well as having the massive drive – no pun intended, but doing something like this is no easy task. The biggest risk is a single point of failure; their home, business, and vehicle will all be in one place. Because of this, we fully intend on sharpening our personal mechanical and general home-repair skills. Not to mention that one of, if not the biggest challenges facing independent bookstores these days, is the constant growth of online stores like Amazon which has books are available almost immediately; not to mention they are shipped right to you at home!

So here’s my request: help out The Road Virus. I am not asking you to donate your life savings or even $100, but even just ten dollars [or anything you can offer] is plenty. The two involved, Sade and Em, are great people who deserve everything that they have planned. It is a great idea that needs to recognized, it will be an adventure that is for sure, but they understand the risks involved. Again, I will be helping them out as soon as I get paid [next Friday] and if you could help out as well, I – as well as The Road Virus – would be eternally grateful. Be sure to check out their Kickstarter as well as their Website for more information on the project. And if you are reading this Sade and Em, keep fighting the good fight – there is not enough of us horror/sci-fi fans who appreciate good literature. Thank you for everything you are doing/continue to do.

Be sure to also go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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[this is pretty relevant actually!]

THANKS FOR READING.

Mezco Is Releasing A “Deadite Ash” Living Dead Doll.. But There’s A Catch!

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Are you looking for a GROOVY early Christmas gift for yourself? I can help you with that in today’s post!

Many people dread the idea of Black Friday: stores/malls are jammed packed with people, nearly everyone is grumpy [both employee and customer], and everything worth buying is usually sold out by the time you get there. However, if you’re not feeling very brave this year, have no fear – many horror companies are celebrating Black Friday with special deals that won’t require you to leave the comfort and warmth of your couch, and one of those companies is offering up an exclusive toy that you will most definitely want to be home to grab; at least I do. As you can tell by the title, Mezco is releasing a variant of their recently released Ash Williams Living Dead Doll:

“This variant captures Ash’s unique look from the scene where he is possessed by the Deadites. With a trio of facial scars and dead milky-white eyes, this Living Dead Doll perfectly captures the moment before Ash violently cuts off his possessed hand.

Ash comes complete with The Necronomicon. He stands ten inches tall, features five points of articulation, and comes packaged in a collector-friendly, specially die-cut window box.”

For those that have followed warrenisweird for a while or know me in person, know that The Evil Dead series are some of my favorite films. We have seen him survive a night in the cabin, he has fought the Deadites, [and won] he has probably the coolest prosthetic hand ever, and now he’s the latest addition to the Living Dead Dolls family! Now, as the title implies, there is a catch to this release: it is a Black Friday exclusive specially sold through Mezco’s website beginning at 9am EST on November 25th! [that’s two days away!] Ash is selling for a total of $46 and shipping begins in early 2017. But do not just take my word for it, check out the awesome screenshots of the Living Dead Doll itself below

As a huge fan of the Evil Dead franchise, I desperately need this particular Living Dead Doll in my life. [I already have two: this one and this one] But we are not here to talk about me, we’re here to be asking You: What are Your thoughts on Deadite Ash as a Living Dead Doll? Are You planning on picking up one for yourself or would you rather not have him stare at you? [let me know which one in the comments!] Be sure to also go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

TRAILER THOUGHTS: HBO’s Slender Man Documentary Looks SCARIER Than Most Horror Films

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Remember back in March of 2016 when I wrote about how we’re getting a Slender Man documentary? [full post here] For those that don’t remember, “Beware The Slender Man” is an HBO film that follows two twelve year old girls who stabbed their friend in 2014. The catch here is, they didn’t stab her once, but 19 times. Their reasoning? Slender Man made them do it. The stories and the interviews caught my attention so much, that I even shared my thoughts, talking about how it’s insane that he has gained such a fan base that actual attempted murders are happening in “His name.” I mean, this is truly evil stuff.. I want to talk about that documentary again today, and how Irene Taylor Brodsky uses this real life event – which I’ll get more into in a minute – and the [fictional] disturbing creepypasta character in order to explore the effect that Internet lore has on real-life actions. Sit and get comfortable, cause this won’t be pretty.

I’m sure we’ve all been made aware in our lives on several different occasions that the Internet can be an extremely scary place when it wants to be. Between things like “The Dark Web” and “The SCP Foundation,” the most notorious – and probably the most well known – of all fictional online entities is the distorted and featureless “Boogyman” known only as “The Slender Man,” who happens to be the star of the upcoming documentary; at least by name.

But let’s get into some back story, just what the hell happened back in 2014? It all started in May, in the town of Waukesha, Wisconsin when a bloodied teenage girl was found; with 19 stab wounds. The ones responsible were two schoolmates, one of which was her best friend, and the motivation behind this heinous attempt at murder was their shared belief that killing this younger girl would please The Slender Man. I won’t get too much into it, as doing so might dull the effect of the documentary itself, but the basic concept – where an online myth inspires [two] misled children to stab another child – is actually quite scary all on its own; add in those interrogation scenes and you’ve got a chilling [yet compelling] story.

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Beware The Slender Man made its debut at South by Southwest earlier this year, with HBO Documentary Films stepping in to distribute over its network, HBO Go and HBO Now, with critical response being largely positive. This is a good thing, as it more or less forces viewers to put a lot more consideration into how often they [and their kids] are tapped into the online virtual world of the Internet. Beware The Slender Man will make its debut on HBO on Tuesday, January 17 2017. Now, for the moment you’ve all been waiting for: the actual trailer. I will warn however, that due to it’s true story content, it can be very difficult to watch/hear what the two girls say. Otherwise, enjoy!

What are Your thoughts on Beware The Slender Man? Are You planning on watching this documentary, or would you rather stick to another movie? [let me know which one in the comments!] Be sure to also go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

a CAT Dressed as ASH from “EVIL DEAD” just won Halloween 2016

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We’re two days away from Halloween and I have to say: I still haven’t figured out a costume! I know, but between re-watching The Walking Dead series with Steph [we just started season 3!] and work, we’ve been kind of busy. However, none of that matters because someone just won best costume of the year – and it’s arguably the grooviest costume I’ve ever seen..oh, did I forget to mention that this costume is on a cat?

Before we get into the details, I want to start by saying I don’t mean to ruin the fun for all you fellow cat parents out there – Steph and I have two – but I’m pretty confident in saying that cats most likely hate being dressed up for Halloween. Of course, don’t get me wrong, we pet owners find it adorable when we put shark fins on their heads or put little coats on them, but the scratches and bite marks I’ve received over the years that have turned into scars seem to give reason that they’re not having as much fun as we are – contrary to what we may tell ourselves..

That being said, thanks to the people over on Twitter under the account name Cat Cosplay, who work with [as they put it] “trained cat models”, we get to see many cats pull off some of the craziest cat photoshoots you’ve ever seen – or thought of – and for Halloween this year, they’re going all out: including dressing up one of those “furbabies” [as Steph calls them] up as one of the most popular horror icons of all: The Evil Dead franchise’s very own Deadite-slayer, Ash Williams [but if you clicked on this, then you knew that already] and yes, thanks to a well crafted fake arm, they even gave this little cutie his own chainsaw hand! HOLY HELL. I cannot get over the cleverness of this costume, and it makes me want to makeshift the same kind of costume for my cats, though I can only take so many “cat-attacks..”

HAIL TO THE CAT as they say, and check out the remaining four photos from the photo shoot below.

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You really have to hand it to the cat for being so calm and collected during these photoshoots, I know for a fact that if I even tried, I would get attacked. Be sure to follow Cat_Cosplay on Twitter for more cat photos, and let me know in a comment below which one was your favorite! Be sure to also go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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[well actually Ash, it’s a cat in those pictures..]

THANKS FOR READING.

SPOILER TALK: Who DID Negan Kill During The Season 07 Premiere?

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NOTE: Major spoilers below for anyone who hasn’t watched The Walking Dead season 7 premiere yet, but you probably knew that already..

 

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Still here? Okay, if you are; that implies you’ve watched the premiere or you’re okay with [massive] spoilers. Ready? Here goes – Well, Walking Dead fans, we made it through the long and annoying wait from the Season 6 finale to the Season 7 premiere, and while the Negan cliffhanger of the previous season received its fair share of fan backlash, everyone involved with the show kept promising [continuously] that it would all be worth it when the premiere for Season 7 came around.. and indeed, “The Day Will Come When You Won’t Be” lived up to a lot of the hype, dropping the [now dead] bodies of not just one major [and loved] character, but two. As revealed during Rick‘s mental torture session, Negan used his beloved Lucille to kill both Abraham Ford and Glenn Rhee, and although I would usually say I saw this coming.. I didn’t! So let’s talk about it – with spoilers of course – So, just what in the hell happened on the premiere?

While The Walking Dead TV show will be giving us a toned down Negan in the sense of  how over the top he is/can be, this scaled back version obviously doesn’t affect the brutality of his actions. We had to wait a while to actually get an answer to one of the biggest TV questions of the summer, and Negan got to show off some of his vicious savagery before “the big scene” by testing Rick‘s abilities by sticking him out in the walker filled wild. [Seriously, what a badass] But no amount of physical abuse to Rick could prepare us for how heavy the impact of the big moment, and the episode overall, drew out the appropriate amount of heart pounding pain we [probably] all felt on the way to Abraham dying through getting his skull busted..

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As you no doubt felt too, seeing the result was an absolutely chilling scene to behold, almost more so than in the source material, and when Abraham‘s face was shown to be “the death,” I can only imagine so many viewers’ hearts were on the way to leaping out of their chests. But, because of course it did, it only got worse – way worse. In the moments afterward, as Negan completely destroyed all that was recognizable about everything above Abraham‘s neck, Daryl felt the need to be the big man by rising up to deck Negan square in the face. This led to a small speech [from Negan] about the group’s behavior, followed by an abrupt and sudden swing of Lucille down onto Glenn‘s unfortunately unprepared head.. Glenn‘s death was a much more heartbreaking one, as it followed pretty close to the comics, where he got to [at least] call for Maggie before he succumbed to his death. Plus, his eye did that popping out thing which is what happened in the comics, which looked absolutely sickening.

Based on what happened last night, we now have to get used to watching The Walking Dead without the macho and hardcore survivor skills of Abraham, as well as the gentle and moral couth of Glenn. There’s a ton of repercussions to this last episode: Maggie has to give birth to a child who will never know his or her father, and Eugene will be without Abraham and won’t be able to talk about stuff. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how you look at it – the future does not look bright for everyone on this show – besides Negan, I guess. He seems to be okay – but it will all hopefully be extremely exciting either way. It is only just starting, and it started off strong. For the next seven weeks, you can expect The Walking Dead to air on Sunday nights on AMC, and then we’ll have to get used to waiting for more all over again during the typical mid-season halt. To see what else is hitting your TVs but without all of the bulging eyeballs and brain matter, you can always turn to the new season of Gotham or finally start Luke Cage – Hell, I have do continue/start both of those shows too..dammit. I haven’t really been all over watching THE WALKING DEAD lately, but after this premiere, I kind of want to go back and marathon the first six seasons and get a feel for the buildup – or maybe I just miss Glenn..

As always, now I turn to you – the reader, how did YOU feel about last night’s premiere of The Walking Dead? Did it live up to the hype? Or did you see the deaths happening from a mile away? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this post; go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

SAW-TOBER PART 07: SAW VII [2010]

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Well, we knew it was coming, and now it’s here: the final SAW movie. After this post, I will be back to regular posts, but I feel like we accomplished something: seven days, seven SAW films. Was it worth the time? Were some of the movies better than other ones? For sure, but with this being the last one, [at least until the new one comes out] It’s time to see if it was all worth it – at least to wrap things up..

SAW VII, or SAW 3D: The Final Chapter as it was marketed, was like each of its predecessors, so consumed with its inventive, big idea judgment scenes  that it moves away from actual mechanics and story telling in order for a story to work. Because of this, what we ended up left with is a extremely broken movie that attempted to weave violence/gore with awkward/meaningless dialogue which ultimately, gave us a less than mediocre movie. It sounds fitting, but at the same time, it’s sad in a way; the supposed final installment tries to work overtime trying to tie a cohesive string [“storyline”] through all the previous movies.

So who are we following this time? Enter Bobby: a Jigsaw survivor turned motivational speaker and book writer who is touring the country in support of his new book which details his near-death escape from the trials and traps he had to endure. Meanwhile, Jigsaw’s widow Jill [I told you she’d come back as an important character!] has turned to Detective Gibson in a final attempt to save her own life. As we came to expect, her husband’s former partner Hoffman has turned against her, and she’s willing to spill details of the entire Jigsaw operation in exchange for immunity. It’s a request Detective Gibson quickly accepts, but that’s possibly because of a new Jigsaw murder and the untimely promise of a new game.

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As you may have probably already guessed, the latest victim turns out to be Bobby, and what follows is a complicated story-line that somehow managed to tie all six of the previous films. Yes, the SAW universe is brought full circle. Unfortunately, it’s not quite as appealing as more hardcore fans of the series would have suspected. The inclusion of a ‘full circle’ lies solely on a Jigsaw support group that’s been formed. [if you look at the group, you can see other survivors from previous movies!] The group is filmed publicly as publicity for Bobby’s book, and this breach in confidentially provides the setup for one final Jigsaw game. [Also, Doctor Gordon shows up!] I won’t go into extreme details about the trials and tribulations that Bobby has to endure, but I will say it does feature arguably, the most mechanically-complicated torture chambers. SERIOUSLY. It would have taken the entire Extreme Makeover: Home Edition team at least two weeks working around the clock to put all these traps together, which is why the SAW franchise really needs to stop. No one could do all this in a matter of days, I don’t care who you say could. It’s impossible.

The important thing to note about SAW 3D: The Final Chapter is that it is more a commentary on itself and its place in popular film culture rather than another addition. As expected, Bobby is punished – not for cheating on his girlfriend or killing some hookers, but for lying about being in a trap before and leading a Jigsaw support group. These sins and reasons for being punished are actually smart, and they’re sins that come from Jigsaw’s very existence as a killer. It could actually be seen as very clever and the concept itself is thought through, but sadly; that doesn’t change the fact that it’s still a commentary on itself. Therefore, when something grows comfortable enough to comment on itself, it’s fair grounds to say it should just stop. The ending of this film is pretty decent too, seeing that we see that [SPOILERS*] Doctor Gordon has been helping all along since SAW II, and that he is the one who has been the one who has been doing the medical procedures on the victims, in exchange for living a life now deserved – at least according to Jigsaw..

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Suffice it to say, SAW VII is the type of film I would recommend for reasons of interest rather than quality. There’s actually a lot going on in this film: Cops chasing HoffmanBobby and the traps, Jill talking with the cops, and flashbacks galore. I like to believe that a lot of enthusiasm went into this idea when it was first pitched, but like in most of the other SAW movies, this final product has a fundamental disconnect between the one major idea: the death traps and the actual screen time that links those two [puzzle] pieces together. Far too often does SAW 3D resort to standard horror movie dialogue and convenient quick fixes to try and bridge gaps in the story. It constantly begs for a rewrite; yet, it never happens because everyone on the team were probably too impressed with the film’s simple premise: match everything up..somehow. After seven Halloweens and seven films, the SAW franchise is finally put to rest. [or is it?] Overall, it goes out applauding itself for it’s efforts, but something tells me Jigsaw wouldn’t have had it any other way.. Also, for those that have been wondering since SAW I, we also get to see the Reverse Bear Trap in action! [watch it happen here: NSFW]


And with that, we conclude SAW-TOBER: seven days, seven movies. As always, now I turn to You – the reader. What SAW film was your favorite? Are you looking forward to another SAW film? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this review, and are looking for more, go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

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THANKS FOR READING.

SAW-TOBER PART 06: SAW VI [2009]

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This is it everyone, the beginning of the end. With the second last SAW film we have more traps, more choices, and more death. I mean, what else could you expect with this series? Thankfully, today’s sequel – SAW VI isn’t all that bad. It does dive a bit further/continues John Kramer‘s background story though, so expect more flashbacks. In this sixth installment, the series gets political, decidedly pointing a finger at the health care system. As the movie shows us, Insurance Companies aren’t always fair, especially to those that cannot afford it. So are you ready to play a game? Let’s look at the “beginning of the end” in SAW VI – which starts right after SAW V.

John/Jigsaw’s latest “game” focuses on a man named William, a guy who seems to be a big deal at an Insurance Company. He is also the man who personally declined John the coverage necessary to try and find a cure for his cancer. [bad move there, William!] Before you jump to conclusions, this is not a personal attack; because it turns out that John isn’t the only individual William denied the chance to live. The way William sees it is by following a “formula” that takes into account a person’s health, age, history and everything.. except their will to live. [coincidentally, isn’t that what John looks for?] Not finding himself in line with Jigsaw’s “way of things”, and William suddenly finds himself at the center of a series of traps requiring him to decide whether someone else will survive or die.What makes this sequel interesting is that logically, William can hide behind his desk when it comes to Insurance, but in the world of SAW, William is forced to suffer the consequences of his actions by watching the denied die.. Damn Jigsaw, that’s pretty extreme, even for you!

Now before you ask how this is all possible, seeing as John died three movies ago, keep in mind that John is still the man with the [big] plan, but he isn’t the one putting it into motion. That job went to Detective Hoffman. Carrying out John’s dying wishes is a big deal, but Hoffman also has to keep an eye on the FBI agents who are getting dangerously close to uncovering his secret. [He still “works” for them at this point]

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What makes SAW VI better than the last group of films is that also holds plenty of references to the previous films that will go completely over the unfamiliar watcher’s head, so if you fall under the “I haven’t watched many SAW films” category, your primary source of entertainment is what is going on with William, and holy damn can it get suspenseful.. Not only are the blood and guts flowing – as usual – but the traps that unleash the carnage will make you cringe. [just look at that breathing trap above!] The violence and brutality shown in the SAW movies is nothing new, but what makes the franchise stand out from the rest is the mind-boggling mental aspect. What would you do if you were in that situation? SAW is not about catching the audience off guard, it’s about knowing what is coming, which makes the circumstances of the “game” far more terrifying.

Now, it’s important to note that while I’m very familiar with the SAW movies – I’ve seen them all a multiple amount of times – in no sense do I consider myself a franchise expert. My knowledge of the smaller details are few and far between and my devotion to the series only comes with the fact that I tend to watch one [or more] SAW film during Halloween. I’m sure many would agree that none of the SAW movies compare to the genius of the first, so watching SAW has slowly become more of a leisure activity than a meaningful movie-going experience. However, with that being said, I do enjoy SAW VI very much. Without spoiling too much, fans will be glad to know that Tobin Bell is back as Jigsaw, as so is Shawnee Smith, as Amanda, who has a major secret to share. This is refreshing after Jigsaw being almost entirely absent in the fifth film.

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SAW VI is far from perfect and not nearly as good as the first film, but writers Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton put together a tight script, especially compared to their work on the fourth and fifth films. The story is wonderfully written into the overall story, the traps [like the carousal trap above] are unique again, [finally!] and Hoffman is still a badass – though I still dislike him. These elements will help pull in the fans led astray by the “not so good” films from before, and also bring in new recruits to join in on the bloody fun that is SAW. The flashbacks and other elements from the series are enough to impress the devoted fans but they also don’t detract from the general pace of the film. This is nice because it allows novices to the franchise to get a satisfying horror film as well. So basically, watch this if you enjoy the series as a whole, because if you don’t have a desire to see victims ripped limb-from-limb, cut in half and watch their insides spill out onto the floor, you should probably avoid SAW VI at all costs.. The other real complaint I have is that once again, you can expect a HUGE cliffhanger.

HOW WILL THIS FRANCHISE “END” ? JOIN ME TOMORROW WHEN WE COMPLETE SAW-TOBER WITH #07: SAW VII: THE FINAL CHAPTER!

Now I turn to You – the reader. Are you like me and enjoy SAW VI? What about Hoffman? Is he a worthy successor to John, or just a regular murderer? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this review, and are looking for more, go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

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THANKS FOR READING.

SAW-TOBER PART 05: SAW V [2008]

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Another day, another SAW movie. If you were not aware or are just joining me, there are seven of them – with an eighth coming next year – and I intend on reviewing each one. Why? Because I feel like, for the most part, they’re enjoyable films. With yesterday’s post being about one of my favorites in the franchise, lets talk about it’s specific sequel: SAW V and while its not terrible, it is certainly not “good.”

Like the other films before, SAW V begins with a slighter more “extreme” trap, killing one of Jigsaw’s victims in one of his more elaborate traps, although there is one major difference.. this time, the victim of the trap actually does what is required to free himself, which was crushing his own hands into a crippled and broken state. But for some reason, the trap doesn’t stop! The victim is still executed, and the message is made clear: this isn’t the same Jigsaw killer we’ve been exposed to in previous SAW movies.. why should it be, though? Don’t forget, the “real” Jigsaw was killed two movies ago, and while SAW IV managed to tell a pretty good story, SAW V doesn’t do it quite as well.

Beginning with SAW III, each chapter of the franchise has given us more insight, exposing more about the Jigsaw killer, giving a pretty decent backstory on Tobin Bell’s popular character within the last movie. With the initial killer pretty much fully explored [and explained] at this point, it’s time for some new blood/someone new. The story of SAW V gives us Detective Hoffman, the only surviving character from the previous movies, into the role of yet another of Jigsaw’s helpers. You read that correctly – the one remaining cop was playing for the bad guys all along. [Because of course he was..] In order to prove this to us, the movie begins to show a flash course history lessons in the previous story lines that try, but don’t really “fit” very well and feels more like it’s cheating; we are basically seeing the stories we’ve already seen before, with Hoffman squeezed in, instead of developing something new entirely..

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It’s just that the whole thing just isn’t given to the viewer very well. In the case of the other SAW movies, I had no trouble following the overall story arc. [How each one fits as a whole] And even though I’ve seen SAW IV, I had trouble figuring out just how SAW V tied into the franchise through the movie. Sure we see Hoffman, and where he has been during the last films, but then why does SAW V feel like a piece of a completely different puzzle? It’s convoluted and sloppy story-telling, and by superimposing Hoffman into previous scenes, it feels almost lazy. Surely I am not alone in feeling this way, right? [Maybe this is why I never liked Detective Hoffman as a character!]

Looking at SAW V as it’s own thing, it doesn’t really work well within itself. Granted, the movie does return to it’s proven formula of given us a group of people trapped inside a series of rooms, each with one of Jigsaw’s traps designed to play off their weaknesses. As the victims proceed [and y’know, die] inside, the police and FBI go through a dangerous hunt on the outside. Only this time, the two story-lines are completely unrelated.[wait, what?] Nobody is searching for these missing people, and they really aren’t linked to the other characters outside of the chamber. Hell, as far as I am aware, nobody even seems to know the five victims are even missing. That isn’t just bad story-telling, it’s a vital piece of information. This ongoing investigation in the outside world is all about Hoffman, not about any missing person cases. Because the stories are separate and barely even connect, it never manages to form a cohesive story for the movie as a whole.

Unfortunately, by the end of SAW V, it started to feel like the SAW franchise has run its course, and is now officially out of ideas of where to go next with the movie’s world. Between the broken history lessons, the disconnected story-lines, and traps that really don’t feel up to the same creative level of the previous chapters, SAW V is a disappointing addition to a franchise I used to love. Either that, or I am just bored with these films which – to a 17 year old me – sounds like blasphemy. I didn’t even mention Agent Strahm, who was the main cop chasing Hoffman. Quick adlib: he [unsurprisingly] dies at the end of this film, in the worst way you can imagine.

WHAT WILL FOLLOW FOR DETECTIVE HOFFMAN? JOIN ME TOMORROW WHEN I REVISIT THE CONTINUATION WITH: SAW-TOBER #06: SAW VI.

Now I turn to You – the reader. How did you take SAW V? What about Hoffman? Is he a worthy successor, or just a murderer? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this review, and are looking for more, go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

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THANKS FOR READING.

SAW-TOBER PART 04: SAW IV [2007]

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FINALLY: seeing as I am reviewing each and every SAW film in the franchise, I have been waiting to review today’s sequel: SAW IV and before you ask why, I think you already know – it is probably my favorite in the series. [At least, it is pretty close to the top of the list] Lets start with the obvious, you can expect a few things from a SAW movie: there will be blood [and gore] – and a lot of it. One thing that I have always admired about this franchise is that it definitely does not hold back on that gore factor, which is kind of nice for us horror fans who seems to be living in an era where so many horror films aim for a PG-13 rating, to gather a larger crowd. But with SAW, you can always expect indulgent traps – which usually are planned out mechanisms that are timed perfectly to deliver the final killing blow to the [poor] victim at just the right time. There is almost always those hyper-edited sequences [that I have grown to dislike] during the suspenseful moments, leading into some sort of dizzying wrap up sequence that explains all the twists and turns of the movie by replaying the last hour and a half in just under two minutes. Yet, somehow, the SAW movies are a fun form of horror entertainment. OKAY, with that said, lets get on with the actual movie review!

SAW IV opens with some coroners performing an autopsy on Jigsaw himself [remember, he did end up dying at the end of the last film] To keep you from any lingering doubt of his death, the first gory scene of the movie isn’t during a trap! It actually comes from watching Jigsaw’s skull and chest cavity being opened up in a graphic yet fairly precise sequence. [what makes this scene even cooler is the use of black and whites on his body/the table he’s on/the background, but his blood is a dark red] Eventually this autopsy leads to the beginning of the movie’s plot: a mini-cassette tape is found inside the corpse that proves that, although the killer is dead, the games are not.

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This time around, the action follows [my favorite] Detective Rigg, who has survived through life as a supporting character in the previous two SAW films only to become the newest target of Jigsaw’s game himself. While Rigg is off dealing with a gambit of traps and games, two other FBI agents are on a separate course, attempting to figure out how Jigsaw could possibly be still operating; considering the fact that he currently is not alive and Amanda is also dead. The solution is simple: Jigsaw had more than one helper, which means the [other] remaining “helper” is still out there – on the loose!

Now, this installment will have standard SAW fans a little disappointed because although they are there, the traps and gore seem to take a bit of a back seat. Instead, we get storytelling and exposition. Believe it or not though, that’s what I liked about this sequel. Seriously. Instead of just laying on the traps, and a quick explanation that these traps mirror the moral shortcomings of those involved, SAW IV gives us a glimpse behind the method and madness of Jigsaw and explains how the killer was “created.” What made this so special [and important] was the fact that the story doesn’t take away the mystery of Jigsaw, but rather explains how a brilliant architect named John became the killer he is [was?], thus expanding on the mythology around Jigsaw, as a character.

These flashbacks do a brilliant job of explaining Jigsaw’s complicated past [thanks to the FBI agents who were interrogating his ex-wife Jill – she becomes important in later films!] and they intertwine nearly perfectly with Rigg’s story-line. Instead of being placed in different traps, [like Jigsaw’s usual set of victims] Rigg is shown and exposed to other victims in traps. Sometimes, he is even forced to put them in the traps after seeing the killer’s reasoning behind why he picked certain people. It’s an interesting way to give a look to the audience and the detective, although don’t get me wrong – that doesn’t make some of the traps any less disturbing. Some of the traps made me cringe, but that’s because I have this problem where I imagine myself in that situation..

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If I had to point out one thing that I wasn’t too fond of, it is the way the writers feel the need to point out that Rigg is being lured into learning from Jigsaw’s mentality. I get why they said it but in this particular case, that sort of thing should have been left unsaid; yet the FBI Agents mention it as part of their investigation at nearly every damned crime scene. Again, I understand it, it just gets frustrating. On a more positive note though:

then there is my favorite part – that ending! Remember Detective Matthews from SAW II? Well, as it turns out, he is still alive [granted, only barely] and being kept on an ice block which in itself is a trap – if it melts, Matthews dies – which we cannot have happening, right? well, this happens to our fabled Detective at the end of the film [spoilers, obviously] and thus ends the life of yet another cop. The ending also reveals who the “other Jigsaw helper” is: none other than Detective Hoffman, who stands proud and tall at the end of SAW IV, knowing he is the successor of John Kramer.

As far as SAW movies go, SAW IV is probably one of the better in the series, hence why I consider it one of my favorites. Although the plot-heavy story arc might turn those who look to the franchise just for the interesting slayings away, I have always been interested by the justification given by Jigsaw and what he offers for his killing[s]. I like to believe that it’s great to see his background expanded without giving away too much about the character to a point where there’s no surprises anymore. What I personally liked about SAW IV is that now the franchise is evolving and not just giving us – the viewer – the exact same formula/movie every year..

Now I turn to You – the reader. Did You like SAW IV? Or did the storytelling get too boring for you? What other opinions do you have on the series? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this review, and are looking for more, go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

JOIN ME TOMORROW WHEN I SEE WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT IN THE SAW SERIES: WITH SAW-TOBER #05: SAW V.

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Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

THANKS FOR READING.

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