cartoon

FIVE Pokémon that are secretly TERRIFYING

From working a ton, to visiting friends [this guy, and this guy] and family [out of town, which is why I’ve only been posting on the Facebook page, rather than here lately] – I’ve been a fairly busy guy this past week. But when I got home Monday night, I didn’t want to jump on the computer and type away, so I decided to take a blast to the past and play Pokémon Heart Gold on the 3DS; which I got as a gift from one of the above said friends.I completely forgot how much I love the games [I grew up playing Pokémon Blue and Red] with the cute characters, the battling mechanics, and most of all – the “gotta catch ’em all” feelings you get when you throw that famous Pokéball : it’s all around good natured, child-friendly fun.. Or is it?

Let’s quickly recap, in case you have been living under a rock for the past 15+ years or you haven’t played the games, Pokémon is a long running video game series where your objective is to collectively ‘catch’ over 600 creatures and make them battle each other to level up and “evolve” them to stronger monsters. If you’re against the whole animal cruelty thing, you can alternatively have them participate in contests, judging their beauty with different accessories on them, and so forth. I guess it’s also fair to mention that in the game, you leave home at the age of ten to find and “train” these wild monsters..

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[relevant to this blog’s Pokédex]

Now the reason this post is titled “secretly terrifying” is because although it’s marketed to [ten + year old] kids, many of the Pokédex – an electronic ingame Pokémon encyclopedia – entries are creepy as fuck.. like morbidly creepy. It makes you wonder how some of these slipped past game-censors, and how parents would feel if they knew what little Tommy was playing with..To make this list easier, I have included a picture of the “creepy Pokémon“, and added it’s Pokédex entry [also stating which game the entry is from]. So grab your Pokédexes, and let’s have some nostalgic fun, shall we?


Kadabra:

Pokédex Entry: It happened one morning – a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed had transformed into Kadabra. [as per Pokémon Fire Red]

Starting off with one of the more what the fuck moments in the very first Generation of the series, Kadabra is already kinda spooky looking. But to know that this “pocket monster” was once human makes it downright terrifying! If that’s not enough, Kadabra has a similar look and feel to Baphomet – the Freemason’s god. In all seriousness though, this basically tells us that trainers who have one of these, are “training” a child..to battle monsters..to the death. yup.


Yanmask:

Pokédex Entry: Each of them carries a mask that used to be it’s face when it was human. Sometimes, they look at it and cry. [as per Pokémon Black]

Based on this particular entry, we’re introduced to a pretty deep – yet messed up concept as if it was completely normal. According to this, humans [and trainers alike] can die and ultimately turn into Yamasks. If that’s not bad enough, it basically gets humiliated by losing it’s entirety of its human body except the fucking face: WHICH IT THEN CARRIES AROUND AS A MASK!!


Haunter:

Pokédex Entry: It’s tongue is made of gas. If licked, it’s victim starts shaking constantly until death eventually comes.. [as per Pokémon Silver]

It’s one thing that Haunter‘s tongue is made of gas, I mean it is a ghost – but to know even the slightest of touch will kill it’s enemy? that’s dark..even for what we’ve seen already. The above entry doesn’t even try and deny that fainting is just a term used for death in the Pokémon world! The scariest part of this creature is that if you remember the TV show, during the opening theme, Haunter actually licks Ash‘s Charmander: what does that tell us? the shaking is clearly visible..[check it out here]


Darumaka:

Pokédex Entry: Darumaka’s droppings are so hot, people used to put them in their clothing to keep themselves warm.. [as per Pokémon White]

Although cute, Darumaka is a strange creature; even by Pokémon standards. In a world where all of society seems to only care about pocket creatures that are constantly beating each other up – which seems to be the norm amongst kids – the concept that people are putting scalding hot monster feces in their pockets to “keep warm” is probably the most fucked-up thing on this list – and that’s passing the fact that some Pokémon hold their dead face around.


Cubone:

Pokédex Entry: It always wears the skull of it’s dead Mother, no one has any idea what it’s hidden face looks like. [as per Pokémon Silver]

Hard to believe that as a kid, Cubone was actually my favorite Pokémon, I loved it’s design, it’s move set and even it’s evolve form [Marowak, which has the deceased Mother’s skull fused to it’s face] it blew my mind as I grew older to know that it’s skull mask isn’t a “mask”.. This Pokémon is more depressing than any, and I still love Cubone.


Obviously, there’s more than just these five Pokémon that can be classified as “terrifying”. There’s many psychic types that even go so far as to kidnap kids, or even eat their dreams! And that only marks seven total – out of over 600! But now I ask you: which creepy critter is your favorite? Did it make this list? Let me know in a comment or two! Also, if you found yourself to enjoy this piece, please take a minute and follow me over on Facebook where you can click the “like” button on my Facebook page. By clicking “like”, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been posted. I also share things that will not be featured here on the blog.  So be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share the page with family and friends! The page only needs FIVE more “likes” until we’re at the 100 mark! [there will be a celebratory post when it’s reached!]

THANKS FOR READING.

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“you don’t become a hero by being normal” : ParaNorman

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[taken from the movie cover of ParaNorman]


Have you her felt like an outsider to your peers because you were “different”? I bet it didn’t feel great, did it? That’s the suffering that our hero, Norman, has to face everyday.. until his quiet existence is interrupted by a strange omen — that a witch is going to come back to terrorize Blithe Hollow! [his home town]

ParaNorman is an animated “kids-horror” film noted for being made by Laika. [who made the likes of such movies as “Coraline“, or even “James & The Giant Peach“] the film starts off with our zombie-obsessed hero Norman watching an old black and white horror film with his grandmother. When Grandma asks Norman to ask his father to turn up the heat, all sorts of hell breaks loose! as it turns out, Grandma has been dead for a while now; making the viewer realize that Norman can in fact see the dead. Which becomes more obvious as we see him talking to ghostly figures on his walk to school: such as a dog, a pilot stuck in a tree [how’s it hanging?], even a bird with the plastic from soda rings: all dead.. and Norman can see, and even have full conversations, with them all.

Unfortunately, no one believes him at home, [his sister flat out yells at him for “striving for attention” to which his father agrees!] so naturally, the same happens at school — where he’s known as ParaNorman[get it? cause he’s Paranormal? ..forget it]

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At school, he’s considered different. someone strange; therefore, as seen above, everyone ignores him. he’s simply just there. that is until he meets an unlikely friend in a kid known as Neil. Norman and Neil work together well as friends since they both get picked on [for different things, obviously] and believe it or not, Neil actually believes in Norman about his abilities to see and talk to the dead.

this is one of the few sad things that are shown in the film.

Things only stir up when a man called Mr. Prenderghast shows up [revealing to be Norman‘s uncle] and tells him that he has to perform a ritual at a grave to stop a witch from coming back from the dead and killing everyone! unfortunately, it’s not so simple..especially since Norman doesn’t know where to start: except for getting a book from Prenderghast‘s house [which ends up being a fairytale book]. When the ritual doesn’t work as planned, the witch – known as Agatha – comes back and immediately starts terrorizing everyone, [as she promised] leaving Norman to fix everything before it’s too late. So with a unlikely team consisting of Neil, Norman, Courtney [Norman‘s sister] and Neil‘s brother; they set out to stop the witch, before it’s too late..

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hardcore zombies, man.. they’re a real thing!

With the dead coming back to life, people start freaking out, breaking out weapons and the like preparing for a full out war, but the unlikely heroes are heading to the town hall, trying to find records of Agatha and what happened to her.. When Norman catches on to the truth of “Agatha‘s past, he rushes to the source of the storm [which is what’s causing the dead to rise] and finds what can only be called the most terrifying cloud in a kids film:

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you can’t say that’s not fucking terrifying.. jeez.

When Norman tries to talk to Agatha, telling her to quit what she’s started, Norman falls into a sort of time-warp; landing back in the days of old.. where Norman learns the real truth behind the witch. As it turns out, Agatha was a young girl [around Norman‘s age actually] when she learned she had a gift; she could talk to ghosts [sound familiar?!] however, due to the time period, she was written off as a witch — which got her brought to trial instantly, and ultimately, her death. Her final words were that one day she’d make them pay for what they did, which she clearly kept to her word.

Meanwhile, back in modern-day and now knowing the truth, Norman realizes he has to find a way to convince Agatha that she can’t keep doing this. By tormenting people, she is coming off worse than the people who once killed her. She’s not playing fair, she just wants revenge. The movie’s climax ends when Agatha finally calms down, [took long enough!] and decides to rest [meaning “be at peace”?.. fuck, his movie got depressing really quick, didn’t it?] Finally, Norman is viewed as a hero, and everyone’s happy.

ParaNorman is an awesome kids film – filled with simple scares, laughs, jokes, and even sadness — the film has something for everyone. If the above didn’t convince you enough to give a watch, [it is on Netflix] watch it for Courtney. She may be animated but she’s voiced by the ever so lovely Anna Kendrick — you know, this babe:

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you can’t honestly tell me that Anna Kendrick [left] isn’t a babe. cause she so totally is..

THANKS FOR READING.