fantasy

WARRENISWEIRD’S TOP 07 SCARIEST SANTA CLAUS’ IN HORROR

top07santashorror

Christmas, the holiday of cheer, joy and over-commercialization. Family and friends share gifts and meals and enjoy each others company, and Pine trees spread with tinsel and Christmas lists from anxious and over excited children! But behind all of the gifts and shining stars, is a dark and sinister world where Christmas can be a terrifying holiday. During the colder months of the year, this holiday brings about sinister elves, a naughty list, and, most of all: a large man in a red suit climbing down your chimney and into your home! Oh yes, Whether you like it or not, St. Nick is a terrifying figure himself! With Christmas being less than a week away, I’m here to show you not one, but seven Santa Claus‘ that show that a seemingly cheerful holiday is right around the corner from a fearful one! Here are my picks for the scariest Santa Claus’ in horror movies in no particular order! Be warned – as expected, some spoilers may or may not be in each description!

ujqth5u

SAINT [2010]

In many horror films, the creepy Santas are not the “real Santa”, but rather a guy in a Santa suit. This more sinister Santa though, is the real deal. In Saint – a Norwegian horror film – follows the traditional Dutch and Belgian tradition of St. Nicholas [or Sinterklaas as he’s called]. On his own birthday, December 5th, Sinterklaas awakens from his yearly slumber and rides across rooftops on his white horse dropping presents down good children’s chimneys. However, as we see in this film, Sinterklaas is actually fairly sadistic as we see him kidnap [and terrorizes] children! Forget dropping presents, this Santa wants his revenge for his murder centuries ago, and he is willing to take every naughty child along with him.

[watch the trailer here!]

qk361cc

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM [2012]

Killer Santas can be real demented, and American Horror Story decided to take the classic serial killer Santa and make him just that much worse. This Santa, played by Ian McShane takes a path of revenge for his poor treatment in the asylum, reclaiming his Santa costume to commit more terror in the name of Father Christmas. With a throat that sounds like it’s full of rocks, McShane feels like the be-all-end-all of evil Santas.

[watch the preview for the episode here!]

rywndbg

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]

You have to almost feel sorry for the guy! In Silent Night, Deadly Night, a young boy [Billy] watches his parents be murdered at the hands of a man in a Santa suit. He is then raised in a orphanage where he is at the constant abuse at the hands of Mother Superior. As an adult, Billy’s job as a video store clerk has him wear a Santa suit for Christmas holidays, and well, so much for his sanity. This teenage Santa takes the award for most-unlikely-to-don-a-Santa-suit in this horror gem filled with plenty of inventive kills. [“strangulation by Christmas lights”]

[watch the trailer here!]

uziyhqx

RARE EXPORTS [2010]

Here’s one you might not have heard of! Rare Exports is full of original, and deep mythology of giant, humanoid creatures buried deep in the Earth. These myths helped to inspire the image of Santa Claus. In this Finnish film, we see Santa as a monster, not a serial killer or a legend, but a legitimate movie monster. A group of archaeologists uncover something they call “the largest burial mound in the world” only to uncover supernatural beings that punish naughty children. The stakes only rise higher when a reindeer herder captures one of the beasts. Rare Exports is a difficult film to put into one genre since it has elements of horror, fantasy, coming-of-age, and dark comedy – all wrapped in one; but it is a special [and terrifying] film that you need to seek out if you haven’t already!

[watch the trailer here!]

zsorvdl

CHRISTMAS EVIL [1980]

Who doesn’t like Christmas? Christmas Evil is a film that is truly terrifying and is often considered the best holiday horror film next to John Carpenter’s Halloween. Christmas Evil offers a complicated psychopath for the sinister Santa. The film follows a young boy who is traumatized when he discovers that Santa is not real.. by catching Santa getting jolly with his Mother on Christmas Eve[tough break, kid!] Flash forward to when he is an adult, and that boy – now a toy-maker – becomes obsessed with both making toys that children will love and analyzing the way children think. Naturally, society is not kind to grown men who hang around small children, and he is met with stares and angry parents. As expected in these kinds of films, he snaps.

[watch the trailer here!]

qqctvs1

TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [1989]

Arguably my favorite Santa on this list comes from an episode of one of my favortie shows: Tales From The Crypt! This episode gives us a woman who murders her husband, only to become the victim of an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus. What makes this episode so great is the fun performance by Larry Drake as Santa. He plays such a gross and gritty Santa in the best way that I cannot stress how great this short is!

[watch the full episode here!]

toftxcj

A CHRISTMAS STORY [1983]

Okay, while technically this isn’t a horror film, but this movie is no laughing matter – Santa is still pretty damn scary! For many of us, one scene provides recurring nightmares and ruined mall trips forever – the Santa visit. What makes Ralphie’s Santa visit so terrifying is the reality that he will not get what he wants for Christmas, and even the big man in red will make sure you don’t have it! The bleached white beard and too red nose only make the imagery worse. Then his voice, as he bellows “Ho! Ho! Ho!” as he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his filthy boot just makes you scared! Take note people, Santa doesn’t have to hurt you to be scary!

[watch the trailer here!]


As obvious as it may come across as saying, not all Santas are nice. Whether you dig them up from a mound of dirt, or Santa is out for revenge, each one has their motive to stalk and go after kids.. which Santa was Your favorite? [or least favorite] Did he make Your list? Let me know in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

vkchjha

THANKS FOR READING.

Advertisements

REAL HORROR: The Road Virus: Reading Is Infectious

theroadvirus

Good morning Boils and Ghouls. I have a special treat for you today that does not deal in horror movies, but rather horror books. Reading horror has always been a medium in the genre that I took a while to get into, but as soon as I met friends like Stephen King or R.L. Stine, horror took a new turn in my life: it became almost educational. After a crazy work week involving staying slightly later than being scheduled and finishing my application to school; [September 2017] I received an email from a fellow reader about something that he and his friend are doing. It is something I had never heard of and I am definitely backing them..as soon as I get paid next week.

Introducing The Road Virus: a mobile [fringe] bookstore with a specialty in horror. [now you’re talking!] Meet Em and Sade, two best friends who love books. It makes sense, as the two spent their childhood[s] in bookstores and libraries. With Sade being an author, and Em being a former librarian, the two set out on a course – a lifelong dream to own their very own bookstore[s]. However, due to their location, it became almost too difficult to do from scratch; especially for two people. So they came up with an idea: buy an ex-bookmobile and convert it into a full time living space and bookstore, which would in effect get rid of the need for pricey rent of space. The chance to combine the ideas of running their own bookstore as well as living in a self-sustainable manner is exceptional, and a really fantastic way of looking at things. Focusing on mainly horror, the duo also carry other genres such as sci-fi, fantasy, crime/thrillers, true crime, queer studies/lit, and more.There is, however, a catch. [isn’t there always?]

gloqvif

The simple fact is that owning such a vehicle [bookmobile] is no cheap task: in their KickstarterSade and Em explain that they put a lot of money into their [lifelong] project, and I don’t mean just buying the bookmobile itself; we are talking about vehicle fixes, as well as stocking up on books themselves. [because they are bound to sell out fast!] They know exactly what they are planning, as well as having the massive drive – no pun intended, but doing something like this is no easy task. The biggest risk is a single point of failure; their home, business, and vehicle will all be in one place. Because of this, we fully intend on sharpening our personal mechanical and general home-repair skills. Not to mention that one of, if not the biggest challenges facing independent bookstores these days, is the constant growth of online stores like Amazon which has books are available almost immediately; not to mention they are shipped right to you at home!

So here’s my request: help out The Road Virus. I am not asking you to donate your life savings or even $100, but even just ten dollars [or anything you can offer] is plenty. The two involved, Sade and Em, are great people who deserve everything that they have planned. It is a great idea that needs to recognized, it will be an adventure that is for sure, but they understand the risks involved. Again, I will be helping them out as soon as I get paid [next Friday] and if you could help out as well, I – as well as The Road Virus – would be eternally grateful. Be sure to check out their Kickstarter as well as their Website for more information on the project. And if you are reading this Sade and Em, keep fighting the good fight – there is not enough of us horror/sci-fi fans who appreciate good literature. Thank you for everything you are doing/continue to do.

Be sure to also go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

piwusvj

[this is pretty relevant actually!]

THANKS FOR READING.

warrenisweird’s top FIVE cemeteries in horror movies!

top5cemeteries

Cemeteries have always held an air of creepiness to them: they are places where we bury our loved ones, giving them a final resting place. Sometimes, the place manages to creep you out because of the way it looks – all decrepit and broken down – but, there’s a reason the Fantasy and Horror genre tend to like this setting. In these cemeteries, it is almost always night and often, the moon is full, for extra supernatural points. Fog is usually a contributing factor, and more importantly, the dead aren’t ‘really dead‘! I mean, some horror movies revolve around being in a cemetery! But as expected, not all film cemeteries are created equal; many are pretty standard, boring versions of what is supposed to be granite tombstones and black, but bland backgrounds. But every so often, we get a glimpse at what seems to be a truly spectacular collection of mausoleums and even more headstones, sometimes with familiar names engraved on them! Or maybe I’m just overthinking this whole thing. Either way, this is warrenisweird‘s TOP FIVE cemeteries, in horror movies. As with all my list posts, this is entirely an opinion piece – if you disagree, or have preferred horror movie cemeteries, be sure to leave a comment with your favorites!


Night Of The Living Dead [1968]

Because of course I would be adding this movie! Esthetically, this cemetery isn’t really isn’t anything spectacular that makes it stand out, but the scenery around it is very nice..especially for wandering zombies – even though we never really see one come from inside a grave! In real life, this location is known as Evans City Cemetery, and if you find yourself curious, this website compares the film and the cemetery as it stands today!


Braindead [1992]

often referred to as the goriest film of all time, Braindead strongly deserves that title. It’s extremely gory, even for a film that doesn’t take itself too seriously.. Even the scene above shows that Peter Jackson was a master at making gory horror flicks in his early days as a Director.


Nightbreed [1990]

You know what I like more than slasher films? Monster movies; specifically – movies like NightbreedThe movie follows a troubled young man, who is drawn to a mythical place under a cemetery called Midian. In Midian, he quickly learns that there are a variety of monsters are hiding.. from the humanity above. After Hellraiser, I fell in love with Clive Barker‘s work, and Nightbreed confirmed it.


Drag Me To Hell [2009]

Say what you will, but I actually really enjoyed Sam Raimi‘s return to horror with Drag Me To Hell; it was dark and gritty, it had the slapstick humor that Raimi is known for, and most importantly – it had a really dirty cemetery scene..which I loved. If you enjoyed Drag Me To Hell, let me know in a comment! I can’t be the only one..


Army Of Darkness [1992]

Speaking of Raimi, who could forget the scene in this movie when Ash forgets the ‘magic’ words from the Necronomicon? it’s funny, it’s slapstick silly, and it’s probably the most memorable cemetery on this entire list! And that’s saying something!


So what have we learned today? Besides the obvious, cemeteries aren’t always made the same in movies. Sure, they are the birth place of the hoards of the undead, and in the case of a Zombie Apocalypse, expect every grave to be a “Clown Car Grave“. As with most of my ‘list’ posts, there is literally thousands of different cemeteries I could have mentioned for this list. Hell, I’m sure I’m going to get comments asking why this cemetery wasn’t added or this one; and I’ll quickly realize that I didn’t even consider/think of that one! So now I ask you: what is your favorite horror movie cemetery/resting place? Did I mention it above? If not, let me know in a comment or two! I’d love to compare lists!

Also, if you found yourself to enjoy this article, please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [it’s at over 100+ likes – thanks so much!] By clicking “like”, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been posted. I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you guys to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share the page with your family and friends!

THANKS FOR READING.