film

Is Blumhouse Making The “Five Nights At Freddy’s” Movie?

WRITER’S NOTE: Hey, remember me? I am the guy who used to write weekly on a little horror blog called warrenisweird. Yeah, I know; I have been ‘missing’ for quite some time now, but with planning for college [the last two weeks have been me playing telephone tag/sending emails to Coordinators and Professors] and working almost six days a week, [a co-worker recently quit, which left a ton of room for extra shifts on my part. Naturally, I said yes!] I have hardly had any time to myself. When I do get time to relax, I have spent it playing on my new [and shiny!] PS4 that Stephanie got me for my birthday that just past. [if you are interested in adding me on PS+, send me a comment and we will talk about it!] Therefore, I want to make it crystal clear that I still will be writing warrenisweird blog posts.. just very infrequently; at least until this whole college situation is under control and I find the time. Now, onto today’s post!


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Say what you will, but ever since Five Nights At Freddy’s broke onto the gaming scene and started terrifying players back in 2014, it seemed almost like a guarantee that a Five Nights At Freddy’s movie was sure to follow. Almost like clockwork, the game – which has had multiple sequels and even a series of books – was grabbed for a film adaptation by Warner Bros. a year later; in 2015. However, for some reason, we have not heard anything about it since then.

So does this imply that the project is dead? Not quite.. because very recently Five Nights At Freddy’s creator Scott Cawthon posted a very interesting Tweet that seems to suggest the film is coming sooner rather than later, check out the Tweet below!

Naturally, everyone who is a fan of the game[s] jumped at Scott, asking if the movie really is coming to fruition after all, which he did not reply to. But, it is important to realize that this is the first Tweet Cawthon has EVER posted [seriously, check out his account] so it must mean that something is happening. But what does it mean? For starters, it seems that Warner Bros. is no longer making the movie and [based on the projector screen behind the chair] Blumhouse has become [one of] several companies seemingly very interested in acquiring the rights. Put that together with Cawthon’s [only] Tweet, and it is safe to assume that Blumhouse has come aboard to save the day. Be aware though, I am not going to say that this is confirmed, and that the deal has been sealed. I would be fairly surprised though if Cawthon Tweeted this before it was official. [So keep your fingers crossed!]

So the question remains, is Blumhouse making a Five Nights At Freddy’s video game movie adaptation? Could Markiplier be part of the film? This one single Tweet has left fans – myself included – with many questions. What are Your thoughts on a FNAF movie, and how would You like it be done? Let me know in the comments below! As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 180+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

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SAW: LEGACY [VIII] Plot Details Revealed?

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Imagine with me for a moment: a film series that has lasted seven films, with the seventh being called “The Final Chapter”, but somehow; another sequel was on the way. Impossible? Not quite. At least, not for the SAW franchise, because sometime next year [presumably around Halloween] we are getting another sequel/addition to this seemingly never ending cycle of films. The question on everyone’s mind though is if it is a sequel, a reboot, or a continuation; because with a title like SAW: LEGACY, it does not tell us much. It is no surprise that rumors and secrets circle this film because this is not the first time I have written about this sequel, just look at the SAW VIII tag on warrenisweird but today, I have a new exciting development to add to this tag: plot details..At least, that’s what they are being called since we have zero knowledge about this new film as far as trailers/screenshots/anything.

According to sources, SAW: Legacy is going to begin with bodies turning up around the city, each having met a uniquely and gruesome end. [No doubt as a result of their “tests”] But as the investigation proceeds, evidence points to one man: John Kramer. But as fans know, this is impossible.. The man known as Jigsaw has been dead for over a decade[see SAW III] Could it be that another apprentice has begun his/her version of the works of Jigsaw, or perhaps even someone within the investigation? Before people start jumping on the bandwagon of [spoiler] Hoffman surviving the sequence at the end of The Final Chapter, it’s also noted that Costas Mandylor [who played Hoffman] or Cary Elwes [who played Doctor Gordon] will not be returning to play their respective characters, who [spoiler] both ended up becoming apprentices of Jigsaw in previous installments. As for the original Jigsaw, it is rumored that Tobin Bell will be back in some way, shape, or form. [Don’t be too surprised if it is only through flashback sequences]

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I guess what I am trying to say is that I am feeling the same way as most people in the horror community: just what the hell is SAW: LEGACY going to be about, and what could the story arc follow? Personally, I want to know what Doctor Gordon was doing after the end of the “Last” SAW film; but if he is not set to star in this film – it raises even more questions: is this “new” Jigsaw a copycat? A new apprentice? Another cop? Or maybe someone new we have yet to know anything about. Let me know who You think it could be in the comments below, and if You are not sure who to guess; let me know if You are looking forward to another SAW film!


As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

WARRENISWEIRD’S TOP 07 SCARIEST SANTA CLAUS’ IN HORROR

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Christmas, the holiday of cheer, joy and over-commercialization. Family and friends share gifts and meals and enjoy each others company, and Pine trees spread with tinsel and Christmas lists from anxious and over excited children! But behind all of the gifts and shining stars, is a dark and sinister world where Christmas can be a terrifying holiday. During the colder months of the year, this holiday brings about sinister elves, a naughty list, and, most of all: a large man in a red suit climbing down your chimney and into your home! Oh yes, Whether you like it or not, St. Nick is a terrifying figure himself! With Christmas being less than a week away, I’m here to show you not one, but seven Santa Claus‘ that show that a seemingly cheerful holiday is right around the corner from a fearful one! Here are my picks for the scariest Santa Claus’ in horror movies in no particular order! Be warned – as expected, some spoilers may or may not be in each description!

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SAINT [2010]

In many horror films, the creepy Santas are not the “real Santa”, but rather a guy in a Santa suit. This more sinister Santa though, is the real deal. In Saint – a Norwegian horror film – follows the traditional Dutch and Belgian tradition of St. Nicholas [or Sinterklaas as he’s called]. On his own birthday, December 5th, Sinterklaas awakens from his yearly slumber and rides across rooftops on his white horse dropping presents down good children’s chimneys. However, as we see in this film, Sinterklaas is actually fairly sadistic as we see him kidnap [and terrorizes] children! Forget dropping presents, this Santa wants his revenge for his murder centuries ago, and he is willing to take every naughty child along with him.

[watch the trailer here!]

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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM [2012]

Killer Santas can be real demented, and American Horror Story decided to take the classic serial killer Santa and make him just that much worse. This Santa, played by Ian McShane takes a path of revenge for his poor treatment in the asylum, reclaiming his Santa costume to commit more terror in the name of Father Christmas. With a throat that sounds like it’s full of rocks, McShane feels like the be-all-end-all of evil Santas.

[watch the preview for the episode here!]

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SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]

You have to almost feel sorry for the guy! In Silent Night, Deadly Night, a young boy [Billy] watches his parents be murdered at the hands of a man in a Santa suit. He is then raised in a orphanage where he is at the constant abuse at the hands of Mother Superior. As an adult, Billy’s job as a video store clerk has him wear a Santa suit for Christmas holidays, and well, so much for his sanity. This teenage Santa takes the award for most-unlikely-to-don-a-Santa-suit in this horror gem filled with plenty of inventive kills. [“strangulation by Christmas lights”]

[watch the trailer here!]

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RARE EXPORTS [2010]

Here’s one you might not have heard of! Rare Exports is full of original, and deep mythology of giant, humanoid creatures buried deep in the Earth. These myths helped to inspire the image of Santa Claus. In this Finnish film, we see Santa as a monster, not a serial killer or a legend, but a legitimate movie monster. A group of archaeologists uncover something they call “the largest burial mound in the world” only to uncover supernatural beings that punish naughty children. The stakes only rise higher when a reindeer herder captures one of the beasts. Rare Exports is a difficult film to put into one genre since it has elements of horror, fantasy, coming-of-age, and dark comedy – all wrapped in one; but it is a special [and terrifying] film that you need to seek out if you haven’t already!

[watch the trailer here!]

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CHRISTMAS EVIL [1980]

Who doesn’t like Christmas? Christmas Evil is a film that is truly terrifying and is often considered the best holiday horror film next to John Carpenter’s Halloween. Christmas Evil offers a complicated psychopath for the sinister Santa. The film follows a young boy who is traumatized when he discovers that Santa is not real.. by catching Santa getting jolly with his Mother on Christmas Eve[tough break, kid!] Flash forward to when he is an adult, and that boy – now a toy-maker – becomes obsessed with both making toys that children will love and analyzing the way children think. Naturally, society is not kind to grown men who hang around small children, and he is met with stares and angry parents. As expected in these kinds of films, he snaps.

[watch the trailer here!]

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TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [1989]

Arguably my favorite Santa on this list comes from an episode of one of my favortie shows: Tales From The Crypt! This episode gives us a woman who murders her husband, only to become the victim of an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus. What makes this episode so great is the fun performance by Larry Drake as Santa. He plays such a gross and gritty Santa in the best way that I cannot stress how great this short is!

[watch the full episode here!]

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A CHRISTMAS STORY [1983]

Okay, while technically this isn’t a horror film, but this movie is no laughing matter – Santa is still pretty damn scary! For many of us, one scene provides recurring nightmares and ruined mall trips forever – the Santa visit. What makes Ralphie’s Santa visit so terrifying is the reality that he will not get what he wants for Christmas, and even the big man in red will make sure you don’t have it! The bleached white beard and too red nose only make the imagery worse. Then his voice, as he bellows “Ho! Ho! Ho!” as he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his filthy boot just makes you scared! Take note people, Santa doesn’t have to hurt you to be scary!

[watch the trailer here!]


As obvious as it may come across as saying, not all Santas are nice. Whether you dig them up from a mound of dirt, or Santa is out for revenge, each one has their motive to stalk and go after kids.. which Santa was Your favorite? [or least favorite] Did he make Your list? Let me know in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

SAW-TOBER PART 05: SAW V [2008]

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Another day, another SAW movie. If you were not aware or are just joining me, there are seven of them – with an eighth coming next year – and I intend on reviewing each one. Why? Because I feel like, for the most part, they’re enjoyable films. With yesterday’s post being about one of my favorites in the franchise, lets talk about it’s specific sequel: SAW V and while its not terrible, it is certainly not “good.”

Like the other films before, SAW V begins with a slighter more “extreme” trap, killing one of Jigsaw’s victims in one of his more elaborate traps, although there is one major difference.. this time, the victim of the trap actually does what is required to free himself, which was crushing his own hands into a crippled and broken state. But for some reason, the trap doesn’t stop! The victim is still executed, and the message is made clear: this isn’t the same Jigsaw killer we’ve been exposed to in previous SAW movies.. why should it be, though? Don’t forget, the “real” Jigsaw was killed two movies ago, and while SAW IV managed to tell a pretty good story, SAW V doesn’t do it quite as well.

Beginning with SAW III, each chapter of the franchise has given us more insight, exposing more about the Jigsaw killer, giving a pretty decent backstory on Tobin Bell’s popular character within the last movie. With the initial killer pretty much fully explored [and explained] at this point, it’s time for some new blood/someone new. The story of SAW V gives us Detective Hoffman, the only surviving character from the previous movies, into the role of yet another of Jigsaw’s helpers. You read that correctly – the one remaining cop was playing for the bad guys all along. [Because of course he was..] In order to prove this to us, the movie begins to show a flash course history lessons in the previous story lines that try, but don’t really “fit” very well and feels more like it’s cheating; we are basically seeing the stories we’ve already seen before, with Hoffman squeezed in, instead of developing something new entirely..

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It’s just that the whole thing just isn’t given to the viewer very well. In the case of the other SAW movies, I had no trouble following the overall story arc. [How each one fits as a whole] And even though I’ve seen SAW IV, I had trouble figuring out just how SAW V tied into the franchise through the movie. Sure we see Hoffman, and where he has been during the last films, but then why does SAW V feel like a piece of a completely different puzzle? It’s convoluted and sloppy story-telling, and by superimposing Hoffman into previous scenes, it feels almost lazy. Surely I am not alone in feeling this way, right? [Maybe this is why I never liked Detective Hoffman as a character!]

Looking at SAW V as it’s own thing, it doesn’t really work well within itself. Granted, the movie does return to it’s proven formula of given us a group of people trapped inside a series of rooms, each with one of Jigsaw’s traps designed to play off their weaknesses. As the victims proceed [and y’know, die] inside, the police and FBI go through a dangerous hunt on the outside. Only this time, the two story-lines are completely unrelated.[wait, what?] Nobody is searching for these missing people, and they really aren’t linked to the other characters outside of the chamber. Hell, as far as I am aware, nobody even seems to know the five victims are even missing. That isn’t just bad story-telling, it’s a vital piece of information. This ongoing investigation in the outside world is all about Hoffman, not about any missing person cases. Because the stories are separate and barely even connect, it never manages to form a cohesive story for the movie as a whole.

Unfortunately, by the end of SAW V, it started to feel like the SAW franchise has run its course, and is now officially out of ideas of where to go next with the movie’s world. Between the broken history lessons, the disconnected story-lines, and traps that really don’t feel up to the same creative level of the previous chapters, SAW V is a disappointing addition to a franchise I used to love. Either that, or I am just bored with these films which – to a 17 year old me – sounds like blasphemy. I didn’t even mention Agent Strahm, who was the main cop chasing Hoffman. Quick adlib: he [unsurprisingly] dies at the end of this film, in the worst way you can imagine.

WHAT WILL FOLLOW FOR DETECTIVE HOFFMAN? JOIN ME TOMORROW WHEN I REVISIT THE CONTINUATION WITH: SAW-TOBER #06: SAW VI.

Now I turn to You – the reader. How did you take SAW V? What about Hoffman? Is he a worthy successor, or just a murderer? Let me know in a comment below, and if you enjoyed this review, and are looking for more, go and follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too!

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THANKS FOR READING.

WEIRDO’WEEN #11: Tucker And Dale VS Evil [2010]

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writer’s note: I understand this was technically supposed to come out yesterday, but since I had my family had it’s Thanksgiving dinner last night, I had no choice but to wait until now for #11. Tonight, I will be writing up #12, and tomorrow morning will be #13; therefore, everything will be on track again.


Meet Tucker and Dale: two lovable hillbillies from West Virginia. They’re best friends and do everything together. This weekend, they are planning on headin’ to their “fixer-upper” vacation cabin [that Tucker just bought] to drink some beer, do some fishin’, and have an all around good time. Y’know, Hillbilly stuff.. I don’t know much about that lifestyle, but from what I gather; they’re pretty laid back people. But when they run into a group of preppy college kids who assume from their looks that they must be in-bred, chainsaw wielding killers, Tucker & Dale‘s vacation takes a bloody [and hilarious] turn for the worse..and that’s what our movie today is about: the unexpected situations that they fall into – even if all they wanted was a get away from society for a few days! As I shared on Facebook yesterday, today’s  movie review is on none other than Tucker and Dale VS Evil.

weirdo'ween-#11As I said, the movie revolves around two hilarious hillbillies: Tucker and Dale, who just want to have a weekend away from society at their “Vacation Home”. Shortly after they arrive, a group of College kids show up at a nearby camp and immediately wrongly assuming Tucker and Dale are psychotic rednecks out to murder them. [you know, because of course they are..] Considering that their property is filled with tools for renovations, such as chainsaws and a wood chipper, it’s not long before the comedy and gruesome carnage start, proving the line it blurs between horror and comedy! Like Shaun Of The Dead and Zombieland did for their respective genres, Tucker and Dale feels like it fits right in, being one of the funniest and surprising movies in recent years! [it was shelved for three years before it’s initial release..why it was, I’ll never know] One thing that makes it so entertaining, from a horror perspective is, the amount of mistakes that result in a lot of gory [and creative] deaths for the dim-witted college kids! I mean, one dives head first into the wood chipper while trying to stab Tucker! [and because he tries to pull the kid out, it looks like he’s pushing him farther in! Yeah, comedy gold, kids!]

But what makes this movie special is the obvious relationship between Tucker and Dale themselves. The two are sweet, helpful, and hopelessly clueless guys who are only involved because of the disaster that the College kids created around them.. One message that certainly comes across loud and clear [yet, subconsciously at the same time] is that appearances can be deceiving and that you shouldn’t judge a proverbial book by the cover.. Because people are still their own individuals and not just the stereotypes they portray. That’s right, Tucker and Dale VS Evil comes with a lesson to be learned!

The movie actually has a lot to say about stereotypes, and not just the ones I mentioned above. But it also mentions how people project onto others those stereotypes, and their own inner “dark sides” come about based on those stereotypes. Being as it’s also a horror film, there is definitely blood and gore involved, but the violence is presented in such a comedic way, you almost laugh when it comes up..it’s not scary in the slightest. I remember the first time I watched it [Netflix!] and thought: this is surprisingly, a really good movie. It’s depressing to think [and realize] that we probably won’t be getting a sequel, but if enough of us protest..maybe? [I really want a sequel, guys..]

So please, check out Tucker and Dale VS Evil; it’s funny, it’s gory,  but most of all – it has heart. It’s unfortunate that it wasn’t recognized as much, but it may be because of the fact that it didn’t get a wide-spread release! [tell everyone about it!] What makes the film so much fun is the stereotyping it picks at, and the hilarious deaths make it all the more worthwhile. Even without a chance at sequel, [though, if one did appear I’d be happy!] it’s a fun film for everyone – even if you aren’t that into horror as a genre.

Another thing! If you have an idea for the next weirdo’ween review please let me know which movie[s] you’d like to see next! If you found yourself to enjoy this particular review – and want to see more – then take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [it’s at over 120+ likes almost at 130!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been posted online; as well as links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! Join me tonight when I talk about weirdo’ween #12! STAY TUNED!

THANKS FOR READING.

warrenisweird’s top 05 SEXIEST female killers in horror

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Imagine for a minute that you’re watching a horror film [like there’s any other kind you’d be watching] and you can’t help but notice that the killer is a girl .. now, imagine that the female killer may not be justified in her ways, but for some reason, you find her attractive. Does that pose a problem? or does her being “evil” make her even hotter?

In today’s post, I’m going to share five of my personal favorite female killers that I find attractive. Whether or not you agree, is up to you. Please be aware that the idea behind this post is for just for fun, and is not meant to be sexist in any sort of way. Also, like with my usual lists, the following is in no particular order. Start looking at some horror babes with me, right after the jump!


Mary Mason: American Mary

One of my more favorite femme fatales, Mary is one person I wouldn’t want to mess around with. With expert surgical skills, she knows the human body almost too well, that alone could earn her a spot on this list!

actress: Katharine Isabelle


Marie: High Tension

High Tension is an interesting french film that follows two college friends, Marie and Alexa, who encounter some trouble [and some major blood] while they are on vacation at Alexa‘s parents’ country home.  The film is insanely brutal, but the ending is where it’s truly one for the books! I’m not always one for short hair, but with Marie, it works beautifully.

actress: Cecile de France


Baby Firefly: The Devil’s Rejects

Say what you will, but I’ve got this weird thing for Baby in this movie. I’m pretty sure it’s her playful-like behavior [which can get annoying], but there’s also the fact of her ripped jeans. She also has this evil, yet maniacal laugh, which is a definite plus!

actress: Sherri Moon Zombie


Jennifer HillsI Spit On Your Grave [2010]

Though this may be in bad taste, considering [in the movie] she gets bruised, beaten, raped, and then left for dead; but something about a vengeful writer just makes the world a better place.

actress: Sarah Butler


Debra Morgan: Dexter

while technically from a show, it took me until Dexter to appreciate the actress this time around, even though she has been in horror movies such as The Exorcism Of Emily Rose. As seen in the promo art above, how could you not like her? her outfit [and that knife!] just adds to the hot coming off of this horror babe!

actress: Jennifer Carpenter


now that’s a zom-babe.

The thing I’ve learned through writing movie lists is that there are obviously so many other choices I could have picked, but I have to narrow it down to only five. Who would you choose if you were to pick five female killers from horror movies [current or classic films!] who would you choose? Let me know in a comment on here, or over on Facebook:

while you’re over there, why not hit that “like” button? By clicking “like”, you’ll see every post the moment it’s been posted; if that’s not convincing enough, I also share things that will not be featured here on the blog, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same!

THANKS FOR READING.

sorry everyone: I DON’T think HOSTEL is just violence!

HostelJustGore Oh, Hostel series. You really got people talking, don’t you? Even after 10 years of your initial release, people still mention how you’re insignificant amongst the others in the horror scene. But I don’t. I actually think you have a special place in this wide world of fear; making people think you’re only good for one thing: blood, and violence. But are you really just a mindless blood-bath? That’s what I’m going to be talking about: because I don’t like to believe what I’m hearing.

In the case of the Hostel films, I only tend to hear about it’s cringe-worthiness or even complaints that the series is part of a sub-genre of horror known as torture porn. According to Urban Dictionary, the term ‘torture porn’ was a term coined by various film critics who felt [and still feel] that the current trend in horror Hollywood consists of having no plot whatsoever but instead, we the viewers get gratuitous graphic imagery of people having body parts removed, from legs, heads to even genitalia; torture porn is definitely a sub-genre that doesn’t fit everyone‘s bill. The most common films that fall under this category are the SAW films [which I’ve talked about on here a dozen times] and, the reason why I’m talking about them, the Hostel trilogy. Now, I am a fairly large fan of both series, [so I might come across as bias] but I will admit that the later SAW films [more so SAW IV and onward] did fit the stereotypical torture porn category, but part of me is not so convinced that the Hostel films do.

In the first film, we learn of three backpackers: Paxton, Josh, and Oli who all decide to head to a Slovak city that promises to meet their male chauvinistic expectations, with no idea of the hellish tortures that await them when they arrive. Within my first viewing, I fell into the thought process that everyone else had: that it was just a g0re-fest for the sake of filming a gore-fest. But was it really? Let’s delve a little deeper into the film, and for that reason – I’m going to issue a fair-sized spoiler warning.


For this particular argument, I’m only using one point: the plot.. or more importantly, the EHC. Whether you agree or not, the movies do far more than just show blood, guts and everything in between; they actually has a genuine story attached.I mean, yeah; we have the bullshit about the three guys wanting – and succeeding – to sleep with Natalya and Svetlana [and I mean who wouldn’t?] but the real thing I find the most intriguing is the Elite Hunting club. [it’s funny cause their club’s logo is a dog: and that dog is a blood hound..get it?] This “club” and it’s “members” are super important not only because they are our main villain, [they are just as important in the sequels!] but because of what – or who – they really are: extremely fucked up individuals.

writer’s note: this is the part where I take a deep breath, cause this is going to be a long winded piece of writing..

According to Hostel and Hostel: Part II, this “club” had used a hostel in Slovakia. In this “hostel”, the “players” [who ultimately become victims] check in and give their passport to the desk clerk who then uploads the images to the EHC website. From the moment the photos are placed online, the members can start bidding actual cash on their victims of choice. The highest bidder gets the victim. [sort of like a fucked up eBay?] The catch is, that the member [sometimes more than one] have to travel to Slovakia to claim their prize. If they can’t make it to Slovakia, they lose their chance and the other members get a second chance to bid! Once arrived, the organization provides the client with the best services in a hotel while the organization takes care of the rest [kidnapping the victims, placing them in a underground bunker, standard stuff]. Once kidnapped, the members are told and they can head out, and go to the location of the facility. There, they choose the “tools of the trade” that they wish to use to torture their victim they just “bought”. Then when they’re officially ready to begin, they are dressed up. [quite professionally, might I add] Mostly does the torturers wear standard orange jumpsuits, leather caps and a leather apron [as seen worn by Stewart and Todd] but in Hostel: Part 2, we see a female EHC member who wears only maroon cloak, but, she eventually removes that goes completely nude. [check that out here! NSFW] If desired, the member can even choose how their victim is dressed, if they are chained in a chair, laying on a stretcher or even chained on a crucifix!

Like any other organization, the EHC has rules to follow: [in this case, two rules] no one leaves without killing and no one leaves with being a member or becoming a member of the organization. The last rule is only for the rich victims because you need money in order to become a member. In the event that a victim escapes without becoming a member, he/she will be hunted down and eventually: decapitated. His or her head will become a trophy for Sasha – the head boss of the organization. Interestingly enough, in Hostel: Part III, we learn that the EHC also have a facility in Las Vegas. [which makes sense, cause Part 2 taught us that the EHC is a world wide phenomenon] like before, they use a hostel to attract victims, sending them to room 9. The concept of this facility is slightly different, though.. complete in style of Las Vegas, the members now bet on how a victim will be killed. They look in from behind a glass window while the victim is tortured and if desired, they can participate in this ‘game’ with the Wheel Of Misfortune. [which I feel is a really lame name for a torture ploy]

According to Eli Roth himself, the films weren’t intended to be mindless violence. Hostel is supposed to be about how Americans view the world and how they tend to behave towards other countries- thinking the world is their playground and that they are untouchable. Remember the scene at the beginning of Hostel where the guy gets the characters to go to Slovakia by simply claiming its a war-torn country with absolutely no women? Anyone with knowledge of Eastern/Central European history would know that isn’t true at all! In short, the film is meant to come off as a huge joke about how Americans view the world around them. As for Hostel: Part 2, it’s about the “corporate killing” mentality. Now, obviously, we can argue that Roth’s intentions were not executed as well as he may have hoped, [that, or they were so buried by the gore that they’re difficult to recognize] but the point is Hostel, and it’s sequels, have some intentional social commentary. As long as one takes the time to look.


In the end, I feel that the Hostel films can be considered a bit more than just “gore for the sake of gore”. I mean, there is a significant amount of blood and gore, but The Elite Hunting Club is far more interesting than people give it credit for. Unfortunately, I’m only a fan of the first two Hostel films. I gave the third one a watch [it is on Netflix] and it greatly disappointed me: especially when it took the second film’s cliffhanger, and threw it out the window. [maybe just ignore Part 3..] The films are entertaining, more-so if you’re a horror fan, just don’t buy into them being “just torture porn”. Cause they’re really not..

THANKS FOR READING.

[also – a fun fact: according Eli Roth, he got the idea for the film after getting email about an organization who claimed to sell people to rich western men and women to let them shoot at them with real guns. this email claimed that would happen in Thailand]

warrenisweird’s top 07 SAW traps

“I’m not that bad..I’m just misunderstood”

This is going to be a long one.. okay, here. we. go! My love for the SAW series is  a fairly complicated one. I enjoy them immensely but like many things, it comes with a price: the loss of story-telling, for the sake of a gratuitous gore-fest. The one thing that did keep my interest the whole series [SAW to SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER] was, as expected, the traps. In this list, I’m going to share my top 07 traps: one from each film. no repeated films. in chronological order. [from the first film to the last] To make this a bit easier, the traps will be from the films, there will be no traps from the two video games. However, it’s not as simple as choosing seven random traps, if we are to truly “see as he sees”, we must understand the six different kinds of traps [which have also been called “tests” or “games”] that our friend, Jigsaw has set in motion for us. so with all that in mind, do you want to play a game? be mindful of spoilers, cause they’ll be all over the place.

  • Standard Traps – these are usually devices [or situations] applied to a victim [or victims], with the intent of causing serious bodily harm or even death if not removed by completing a given task within a specified time period. There are some traps, however, that are impossible to escape from [such as Amanda‘s inescapable traps.]
  • Competition Traps – these traps tend to involve two [or sometimes more] victims who can each individually pass their own specific test, but the catch is the other victim’s have to fail.
  • Tests – these “games” involve a victim being given a set “rules” or a specific task. [usually told by a tape or by Billy] The outcome of the test is decided based on whether or not the victim follows the “rules” they were given and wins, or if they break  them and ultimately loses. “Losing” generally ends with death of the victim or some other major sort of loss such as suffering serious injuries or even causing the deaths of loved ones.
  • Trials – A series of tests or traps that the subject[s] must face [as opposed to a Standard Trap which only involves a single test] with the intent of “testing” the victim’s psychological progress from the beginning of the film up until the Final test. [see below]
  • Final Tests – The last test in a series of Trials. This “final test” ends in a final decision that is designed to directly relate to and put to use what the victim has [hopefully] learned from each of their trials leading up to this moment.
  • Security Traps – Plain and simple, these traps are designed to put a stop to the progress of the victims and to prevent them from continuing on their path. Sometimes, Security Traps are put in use to protect Jigsaw from police or other intruders.

Hope you took your notes cause with all that in mind, let’s start the list of the top seven SAW traps: for the curious, I will also include a YouTube link to a clip from that specific film’s trap. Enjoy!


REVERSE BEAR TRAP – SAW:

Starting off with a classic, Amanda Young woke up strapped to a chair, in a darkly lit room, with a fair sized metal device locked into her mouth. A video tape showing Billy and the voice of Jigsaw explained that the device on her head was hooked into her upper and lower jaw, and when activated, she would have only sixty seconds to unlock it.. If she failed, it would rip her jaw apart, killing her instantly. If she wanted the key to remove the trap, she would need to get a key..which was kept in the stomach of Amanda’s drug dealer, Donnie Greco, who was lying across the room. When Amanda moved, to remove her restraints, she accidentally activated the timer on the trap. With no other options available, Amanda took a scalpel next to him and willingly cut through his stomach, in order to retrieve the key and freed herself from the trap with a singular second to spare. In the end, Billy rides out on a tricycle, and congratulates her on her survival.


THE NEEDLE PIT SAW II:

Easily one of the more cringe worthy SAW situations: This trap involved a pit found in the middle of a room filled with used syringes. a locked door in the room contained an antidote and was set on a four minute timer; if the timer ran out of time, the door would remain locked forever. The idea was that the victim would have to jump into the pit of needles to find a key to unlock the door. The key was attached to a glow stick hidden among the syringes. [needle in a haystack] The trap was intended for Xavier, [even the tape mentioned him by name] but instead he tossed Amanda into it as he refused to do it. After Amanda found the key, she passed it to Xavier. However, just when Xavier was about to open the door, he dropped the key, ultimately locking the door.


THE ICE MAIDEN – SAW III:

Danica Scott was found chained by her arms in a walk-in freezer, where she was stripped completely naked and had her body sprayed with ice water from twelve different hoses, each of which were linked along two vertical poles on both sides of her. Jeff was forced to decide whether to assist her or let her freeze to death in the freezer room, since Danica was the only witness to the accident which killed Jeff‘s son. [since she fled the scene of the accident and refused to testify against the man responsible] After Danica begged for her life and apologized to Jeff, she was able to convince him to try to save her although it seemed it was very unlikely at first. Jeff‘s task was to find and get the key that would unlock Danica‘s chains, as well as the door which would lead to the next room so the two of them could escape the Freezer Room. The key was found hanging on a chain behind a wall of frozen pipes, just barely out of Jeff‘s reach and the only way he was able to retrieve the key was by leaning enough on the pipes with his face to press against the pipes, causing the flesh off his cheek to stick to it. Grabbing the key, Jeff pulled back, tearing away the flesh from his cheek; but by the time Jeff had obtained the key to free her, Danica had frozen solid, becoming completely frozen in ice.


THE KNIFE CHAIR – SAW IV:

A drug addict named Cecil was placed in what was revealed to be Jigsaw‘s first created trap. He woke up with his arms bound to the armrests of a wooden chair, with blades stabbing upwards, right into his forearms. There was also a panel at the same level as Cecil‘s face which was connected to the arm restraints. Pushing forward would therefore, release the restraints and free him. Jigsaw, who stood by watching, applied a huge apparatus to the chair, consisting of eight blades surrounding Cecil‘s head. Jigsaw then instructed Cecil what to do, telling him that if he was to release himself from the chair, he had to force his face through the blades to push the panel, matching his “internal ugliness” by slashing his face. Cecil, after sitting and screaming for help, finally began pushing his face through the knives while Jigsaw watched. however, before Cecil could complete the test, the wooden chair broke. Standing up with the restraints still dug into his arms, Cecil threatened John, and lunged at him. when Jigsaw swiftly side-stepped, Cecil fell into a pile of hanging razor wire where Jigsaw watched, and left him to die.


TEN PINTS OF SACRIFICE – SAW V:

Brit and Mallick entered the final room of the film – making it their final trap. There were five saws inside five compartments, each with a hole large enough to insert a victim’s arm. The victims were told that they were to insert their hands into the saw-holes [if that makes sense] and sacrifice enough blood to fill a single ten-pint jaw connected to each of the five compartments, which would, in turn, open the door to their freedom and save them from the mounted nail bombs [which were scattered around the room]. The two eventually realized that the original five “test subjects” could have survived each test, had the team cooperated instead of working towards their own individual interests. Since they were stuck in this situation, Brit and Mallick went ahead and inserted their hands into two of the saw-holes, eventually losing half their bodies’ amount of blood [rather than the initial two per victim], resulting in their forearms being sawed directly in half, ending with both passed out from the blood loss.


DON’T BREATHE – SAW VI:

William and the company’s janitor, Hank, wake up in a [fair sized] device, with a breathing mask on each of their faces. Not understanding, they are told that every time one of them takes a breath, the device on them will close in on their stomach. William tells Hank to hold his breath but considering Hank is a smoker, he keeps taking breaths until ultimately, he loses and the clamps close in all the way, which ends with popping his insides almost instantly; allowing William to escape the trap.


SPEAK NO EVIL – SAW THE FINAL CHAPTER:

when Bobby enters one of the rooms, he finds his publicist Nina: restrained in a reclined chair, wearing a straight-jacket with her chin angled towards the ceiling. we see four metal rods attached to a metal machine which is surrounding her, pointed towards her clearly opened neck and with string hanging out of her mouth. Bobby is instructed that he must pull out a key that is attached to a fishing hook which is resting in her stomach, through her mouth within a sixty seconds in order to unlock her bindings or the rods would slowly penetrate her throat. It’s not as simple as that though, because when ever either of them make a noise reaching a certain decibel level, the noise detector beside them would cause the spikes to advance forward, moving them closer, [and closer] threatening Nina more so. Bobby makes numerous attempts to pull the fishing hook out through her mouth, but is forced to stop and quiet her each time she screams. [I mean, damn; I’d just admit defeat at this rate] By the end of it, Bobby actually gets the flesh covered key, but unfortunately, Nina is killed because Bobby was unable to reach the lock in time.


remember which movie this trap came from? sound off below!

So that marks seven traps for seven SAW films, obviously there are a fuck-ton more traps I could have chosen, but I feel that each of the following fits the atmosphere of each film. Do you agree with my choices? What are your top 07 SAW traps? let me know in a comment or two! also, find me on Facebook! thanks for sticking with me through this super long post and as always,

THANKS FOR READING.

I am the WALRUS — a review about TUSK

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After putting it off for the longest time — I finally got the chance to see Kevin Smith‘s newest horror: TUSK. the film wasn’t at all what I expected; which can be considered a good [and a bad] thing. Please be aware, this review is going to have major spoilers: including, but not limited to, huge plot points.

I didn’t know very much going into the film other than what the trailer had told us: Justin Long stars [so does his fucking wicked ‘stache] as a podcaster named Wallace [Wallace? — Walrus? Oh I get it!] who interviews strange and unique people for his radio show aptly called the “Not-See Party”. He heads to Canada to interview a kid who got YouTube famous for chopping his leg off with a sword on camera by accident; he is known as “The Kill Bill kid” [which I assume is a rip-off of that “Afro Ninja” kid] when Wallace gets to Canada, he learns that, as it turns out, Kill Bill Kid killed himself with his sword due to his “fame”..leaving Wallace with no one to interview, and being stuck in Canada.

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how I felt for the entirety of the second half of Tusk.

Flash forward a fuck-ton to where the trailer sets us; Howard Howe‘s home — Howe is the man obsessed with walruses as one saved his life during his days at sea. During the beginning of the interview, Wallace is being told about Howe named him “Mr. Tusk”, whom he regarded as his savior. Especially because Howe claims he had to eat Mr. Tusk to survive. That’s where the film starts to get strange..

His impending obsession leads him to want to relive those days with his “hero”, and the only way to do is to become a walrus. [“who the hell would want to be human?!] after a bunch of cutting with a scalp, [which is shown off screen] sewing, and the like: Wallace the Walrus is complete..and fuck does he look gross; if you want check him out yourself, I’ve posted a [terrible quality] photo below! [major spoiler alert]

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that’s..fucking gross, man.

That’s about as far as I’m going to go with this review as there’s also a boring side story about how Wallace‘s best friend/partner in podcasting is sleeping with Wallace‘s girlfriend, and a Quebec investigator [played by a hilarious Johnny Depp!] comes into play to help them find Howard Howe‘s house; but the real excitement is watching Wallace as a Walrus and his struggle to keep his human dignity — whatever is left of it that is.. [there’s even a fight scene between Wallace and Howe!]

The film is extremely difficult to recommend since it’s a cross between Canada and The Human Centipede: except not. Although it felt like it borrowed elements from the film, it is it’s own thing just the same. It claims to be a comedy-horror, but it isn’t that overly comedic. [it is at some points but..] if you’re a fan of Kevin Smith, I’d say go for it, just know that this isn’t Clerks.. This — is Tusk.

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THANKS FOR READING.

The Woman In Black: Angel Of Death gets a new Synopsis?

“During the London bombings of World War II, school teachers Eve Parkins and Jean Hogg lead a group of children in evacuation to Crythin Gifford, a remote village outside of the city. When the group takes up residence at the Eel Marsh House, 40 years after Arthur Kipps investigated the first haunting, Eve soon realizes they are not alone. The longer they stay in the house, the more the awful past of the residence unravels itself and the evil spirit that lurks around them threatens the well-being of the children. With the help of a pilot, Eve does all that she can to protect the children and discover the truth behind the Woman in Black.”

Unlike the majority of the horror population, I actually enjoyed the 2012 remake/reboot of The Woman In Black; even if it was a remake of this TV Movie, but with Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe. However reminiscent of Potter it felt from time to time, [I mean, the train scene at the end? ugh] it was still an special experience and I actually enjoyed it with it’s eerie feeling, the Victorian time it was set in, and all the horror that came with it. It felt like an old school Hammer film. [which I may be alone on saying…] But with The Woman In Black‘s ending, people were fairly curious – myself included – how they’d continue the story of the dreaded Woman In Black. [especially since that ending!] Which brings us to the film’s sequel: Angel Of Death.

well that’s not creepy at all..

Set to be released on January 2nd, 2015, the film is claimed [according to IMDb] to have already completed it’s filming. Angel Of Death takes place 40 years after the first haunting at Eel Marsh House, [meaning 40 years after the first movie] where a group of children evacuated from WWII London arrive at the house, awakening the house’s darkest inhabitant: The Woman In Black.

Now wait: stop, stop, stop, stop! What do you mean a group of children are going to be living in the house? Doesn’t The Woman [In Black] attack children as a revenge tactic? That’s..kind of predicable, even for today’s horror! I can understand the idea of the film taking place 40 years later, and even the idea of WWII London, but children? if it does take place only 40 years later, wouldn’t the people of Crythin Gifford still know[or at least have heard of] the infamous stories revolving around the house? Yet, they are perfectly fine with letting [a large group of] kids live there during the war? I don’t get adults sometimes.

When the film was first announced the plot was actually quite different, where it followed Eel Marsh House after it was transformed into a recovery home for injured war soldiers [probably from the newer WWII London plot], run by a small group of staff members; specifically, a young nurse who begins to notice that something isn’t right with the house. As the war veterans begin to turn up dead [or even disappear] it was up to the young nurse to discover Eel Marsh‘s tragic past, kind of like Arthur Kipps had to in the first film. However, with the revised actually makes a bit more sense, as The Woman In Black doesn’t attack veterans, but children.

yeah, yeah, I know; this is from the first film, I just really like this GIF.

Ultimately, I don’t know how I feel about the sequel just yet. It doesn’t look terrible, but it also feels slightly predictable. How do you feel about the idea of the synopsis changing? was it for the better or the worst? Let me know in a comment below! Also, if you haven’t seen the trailer for The Woman In Black: Angel Of Death, I’ve included it below:

THANKS FOR READING.