non-horror

Dear Internet: An Epiphany By Warren[isweird]

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[an accurate representation of my mind since Tuesday this past week]

Internet, we need to talk. You are probably going to want to sit down for this one, because I have something extremely important I want to talk [well, technically write] to you all about: the future of warrenisweird. If you follow me on Instagram, on Twitter, or even in real life; you probably have a good idea of where this post is headed before I even start. sigh. Believe me when I say, this is harder for me to say than it is for you to read it. Ready? This is going to be a long one so take a deep breath with me, and let’s talk. Okay, here goes.

If you have been following warrenisweird since the beginning, you would know/remember that I work at a funeral home and have been for a while now. [my fourth year is coming this July!] You would also know that my chosen career path is to become a fully Licensed Funeral Director. While this still all remains true to this day, my work-life is constantly evolving: I am learning more and more everyday about the role of a Funeral Director and through my newly learned skills, I took [what I consider] one of the biggest chances in my life and applied for College in order to become said Funeral Director. With all this busy-ness happening, you probably also have noticed a lack in posts on here. This is mainly because I have been working a lot more lately ever since we lost two staff members at work, and when I actually am off work; I am taking a break.. usually ending with me falling asleep on the couch. Hell, I haven’t even watched a movie in what feels like forever because I am so damn busy.. Be all this as it may, this past Tuesday – the 2nd of May – I received the absolute best news imaginable: I have been accepted to Humber College in Toronto [Ontario] to be a full time student [starting in September 2017] to study Mortuary Science/Funeral Studies. While I am beyond excited for this, there comes a catch.. and I am about 99.99% sure you know what I am about to say: Suddenly, everything becomes even more busy, and because of this, I have absolutely no time for warrenisweird.

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[an accurate representation of both sides of my brain]

Let’s reflect for a moment: when I started warrenisweird, it was always meant to be a hobby: a if you will – place to talk about my feelings towards upcoming horror films [which I still and always will have a passion for] and movie reviews in my spare time. That last part is probably the most important part of the sentence – “in my spare time.” Little by little, I became more and more busy in my personal life, be it with work, application struggles or even just finding time to spend with my Wife. Because of this, I had no choice but to put this blog aside for a while.. Until “a while” became weeks, which felt like months. Now, especially if I am going to school in September, most of – if not all – my time and dedicated “free time” is to my education and ultimately; my future. Even after I finish the in-class portion of my schooling, I have a 5-6 day Internship [which lasts a year] before I change into that Fully Licensed Funeral Director I have been striving to become. What I am trying to say is that even after I am done school, I still would have little to no time to write up a blog post. HOWEVER, there is a silver lining to all this negativity..if can you believe it.

Although I may not have as much time to write on here, that does not mean that I am never going to write on here again – I plan on keeping the URL name [warrenisweird will forever be my namesake] and I will do my best to find time to post once and a while, there just might be a few weeks between posts.. and sometimes, no posts in a month. Also, and I realize I have said this before and failed miserably, I plan on using my Medium account as an almost “Diary” of sorts; writing about my experiences in College and other exciting life events. [if you find yourself interested, please consider following me there] Also, if you have “liked” the Facebook Page for warrenisweird, I will always/still continue to share/post horror related content. That page is not going away either! If you are a fan of warrenisweird for the movie reviews I write, those are/will be found over on Letterboxd; so follow me there if you want my thoughts on movies! [and as always do not hesitate to recommend me something to watch! It does not have to be strictly horror!]

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[Where I like to think we stand as a community]

To end this word spill on a sappy lovey-dovey note, I just want to say that I appreciate every one of you that took time out of your day to read/continue to read warrenisweird. This journey into the blogging world would never have happened if not for you guys! It truly means a lot to me that people actually give a crap about what I write on here, and even engage in conversation about it – even if they disagree with my post! I love debating movie theories, and explaining why I love a certain “bad film,” it’s what connects us as horror movie fans! At least I think so, anyway. You guys are the absolute BEST and I wouldn’t trade the feeling you gave me as a writer away for anything.

So now you know. This is why I tend to “disappear” from the blog for x-amount of days/weeks, what I am up to in my personal life, and what life has for me next. I hope that I have explained this well enough, and thank you all for understanding why I am choosing to not write on here as often as I once wished I could. [At least not nearly as frequently] The best way to look at this is it is not a final goodbye, it’s “I will see you around!” As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re just over 195+ likes – let’s get it to the 200 mark!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird from the very moment it’s been “gone live” online and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Seriously though, these past few years have been a blast and if I could, I would love to continue doing this gig. Being a small time hobby, it was never meant to be a long-term career [writing online as a full time job is one of the hardest things to get into! I strongly commend those that get to do it!] As I mentioned above, I’ve also been writing my movie reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch. As for my “Diary” posts? Follow me on Medium for updates on my life. These posts will be starting soon! I love you all, please do not hesitate to reach out to me through my contact page, which goes straight to my personal email. I try to reply to every one of them, so whether it’s a movie recommendation or a simple “thanks,” I can’t wait to hear from you!

As always,

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THANKS FOR READING.

Annoucement: something a little different — an update

If you’ve been following warrenisweird for awhile now, you probably have noticed that there’s one category of post that doesn’t come up as much as it used to: Journals. They used to be more frequent, and they used to be a ‘once and a while’ sort of thing, to keep you – the readers – up to date with what I have been up to outside of the blogging world. However, I hardly post these anymore; and they’re something that I feel doesn’t fit the general theme of my blog; even if it is about myself. So as an effort to use it more, and a way to steer away from that kind of post here, I plan on not posting any Journal posts on here anymore, though the ones I’ve already written; will remain..and the Journal posts will cease to exist. Or will they? What I mean by this is that, I’m not saying that I’ll never writing anything about myself and updates about myself again, I just mean that they won’t be featured on warrenisweird, and that’s where Medium comes in..

Medium works in a way that makes anyone feel like they’re an author of their own story, without the hassle of feeling like they need to build an audience in the blogging atmosphere [blogosphere?] It’s been called “a new place on the Internet where people share ideas and stories that are longer than 140 characters and not just for friends.” Which makes sense, since one of the co-founders of Twitter designed it. Although it’s a blogging platform designed for smaller stories that “make your day better and manifestos that change the world,” it has it’s way of helping you find the right audience for whatever you have to say. I think that’s what attracted me to it – I could say what I want, how I want, and whoever is interested; can read it. If not, they move on in their lives and it doesn’t affect them. Which, in turn, doesn’t affect me. It’s pretty great for that reason. Surprisingly, I’ve actually been on Medium for awhile now – check my profile here –  but I never ended up using it, since I’d tend to write elsewhere: whether Facebook or warrenisweird. Don’t think I’m going anywhere, because I’m definitely not; I’m just trying to say that warrenisweird is going to be strictly horror related posts now, and personal things – like what I’ve been up to outside of blogging – will be on Medium. With all that said and done , I just wanted to share this, I know it’s probably not the post you expected from me today, but here it is. I promise come the next post, it will be horror-related, but I just wanted to share this in case someone was wondering why there hasn’t been any Journals as of late. In fact, be sure to catch up on what I’ve been posting over on Medium by reading my most recent post, titled “A Twist Of Fate.” It’s essentially an update on one of the biggest things happening in my life right now, which has me both excited and nervous. [but also, something that’s been a long time coming]

Also, if find yourself to enjoy what I do here – whether it’s updates like this or movie reviews/news – please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [it’s at over 120+ likes – only a few more and we’ll have reached over 130!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been posted online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

THANKS FOR READING.

JOURNAL #8: “NEW beginnings and BROADER horizons” | NOT HORROR RELATED

[NOT the actual funeral home I will be working for*]

Guys, we need to talk.. seriously. This is something important, and it’s only fair that I share it with you – take it with a grain of salt, because it’s going to take me some getting used to as well. Prepare for what will feel like a wall of text.. cause a storm of words is coming – but it’s all positive, I swear!


If you follow me on Facebook, you probably saw a status talking about how something serious was going on in my life. In fact, it must be something extreme, because I’m writing my first Journal post in a while, as in first time since January! [I’ll admit, I’m not always up for writing about my daily life, or else this “blog” would have made more sense to have been a “vlog”] In that last Journal, titled “new home, new job & new beginnings“, I talked about how I hadn’t been working in a funeral home for quite some time, and how I became a stock clerk for Stephanie‘s work. Between that post and now, I’ve actually worked for a company that does almost exactly what the first funeral company did – to quote my last Journal – I am one of the employees who goes to the place of death, retrieves the body, and then finally; brings the deceased to the proper funeral home that the family has decided on.. It’s a job that I absolutely love, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world…anything except what I’m about to mention ~

[very] Shortly after Stephanie and I’s wedding [July 03, 2015!] we starting talking about the future; like any married couple would, and we came to the conclusion that she doesn’t want to work as a cashier her whole life, and I – while doing “removals” for the funeral company – can’t make a decent paycheck just doing the “pick-ups”. Flash forward a few weeks after this, and we decided that we’re saving up for College.. In Toronto. [we’re currently in Ottawa] The reason for Toronto being that the course she wants [Pharmacy Technician] and the one I want [Funeral Services – to become a LICENSED FUNERAL DIRECTOR] are at a College in Toronto, rather than here. [the Funeral Services course is only in Toronto in all of Ontario] So besides saving money, Stephanie is planning on going to the City’s adult high school in September [to ‘upgrade’ her sciences and maths] and I had been trying to find something a little more stable. [the ‘removal company’ I work for is an “on call” basis – meaning that if there is no calls, I don’t get paid for that “shift”..therefore, making it hard to save money for school, rent, etc]

Now, if you had read that last sentence carefully, you’d have noticed I said “I had been trying to find something a little more stable”. I say “had” because I found something – and it’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while.When I looked into the Funeral Services course, I noticed that a prerequisite was to “work in a funeral home environment”. While doing removals sounds like it counts, the truth is that it doesn’t: I would need to work in an actual funeral home. I know this sounds like a lot of build up, but there’s a reason for it, I promise!

[NOTE: this is NOT the hearse from the companies I work[ed] for! Just a standard one I found on Google Images]

To make a long story short, as of yesterday morning, I officially got a job at a Funeral Home. I won’t say which one or even where it’s located; but the fact is, that I’m going to be working in an actual Funeral Home. This means, I won’t be doing just the removals, but rather: working on services, cleaning the vehicles, cleaning inside the funeral home, doing some [not as many] removals, among other jobs! It’s a job I had wanted for a long time; ever since I learned about the field through [a] – my now favorite – TV show: Six Feet Under.

Of course, this raises one real question: why am I bringing this up? Am I excited? [yes!]  Am I trying to show off to the world around me? [Absolutely Not] No, the real reason I bring this up, is because something different is going to happen on warrenisweird; even if it doesn’t seem like it right away. See; the thing is, when I was working “on call”, meaning I stayed home until my phone rang to go out on a ‘call’, [if it even did, some days were slow – like any job] so I had time to write something up on here during my down time, or even prepare a post and then save the draft and continue when I got home. It was a good system that just “worked”. However, with this new job, I suddenly have full time hours: 08:30am to 05:00pm almost every day of the week. Naturally, this means that the posts I usually publish in the morning, is no longer an option.. Now, I’m not saying that warrenisweird and these posts are gone for good, [I’m not going anywhere] but rather – posts will be ‘posted’ later during the day. For example – when I get to one – a standard Friday Fun Fact post usually is posted in the morning around 10am.. Now, with this new job, there will still be a post that day, or whenever; but probably not until 7pm or later. Same with horror news, or movie reviews, or any post. It’s not that I won’t be posting them, it’s just that they’ll be Published at a later time frame than I’m used to posting.

So that’s my “news” of the day: I finally can say that I have a job that I am excited to work for, more than anything I’ve ever done: A job where I feel special – important even. It’s something that I never knew that I could be so proud of: that I had/have become someone who feels legitimately helpful to someone in their time of need. And, most importantly, I want to thank you – the reader[s] of warrenisweird – You’re all so great, what with your support, and your love. You’re all the reason I’m doing this, and although posts will be published later in the day from now on, I’m glad to know there’s people who are still willing to read my thoughts on horror movies – even though I may come off as someone who’s just blabbing on, and on, and on. As always, if you have any sort of recommendation, or a comment, or a concern; just send me a message on my Contact page, or if you’d prefer: on the warrenisweird Facebook page. Thanks for listening, but most of all:

THANKS FOR READING.

[God, I just love this show so much..]

FIVE Pokémon that are secretly TERRIFYING

From working a ton, to visiting friends [this guy, and this guy] and family [out of town, which is why I’ve only been posting on the Facebook page, rather than here lately] – I’ve been a fairly busy guy this past week. But when I got home Monday night, I didn’t want to jump on the computer and type away, so I decided to take a blast to the past and play Pokémon Heart Gold on the 3DS; which I got as a gift from one of the above said friends.I completely forgot how much I love the games [I grew up playing Pokémon Blue and Red] with the cute characters, the battling mechanics, and most of all – the “gotta catch ’em all” feelings you get when you throw that famous Pokéball : it’s all around good natured, child-friendly fun.. Or is it?

Let’s quickly recap, in case you have been living under a rock for the past 15+ years or you haven’t played the games, Pokémon is a long running video game series where your objective is to collectively ‘catch’ over 600 creatures and make them battle each other to level up and “evolve” them to stronger monsters. If you’re against the whole animal cruelty thing, you can alternatively have them participate in contests, judging their beauty with different accessories on them, and so forth. I guess it’s also fair to mention that in the game, you leave home at the age of ten to find and “train” these wild monsters..

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[relevant to this blog’s Pokédex]

Now the reason this post is titled “secretly terrifying” is because although it’s marketed to [ten + year old] kids, many of the Pokédex – an electronic ingame Pokémon encyclopedia – entries are creepy as fuck.. like morbidly creepy. It makes you wonder how some of these slipped past game-censors, and how parents would feel if they knew what little Tommy was playing with..To make this list easier, I have included a picture of the “creepy Pokémon“, and added it’s Pokédex entry [also stating which game the entry is from]. So grab your Pokédexes, and let’s have some nostalgic fun, shall we?


Kadabra:

Pokédex Entry: It happened one morning – a boy with extrasensory powers awoke in bed had transformed into Kadabra. [as per Pokémon Fire Red]

Starting off with one of the more what the fuck moments in the very first Generation of the series, Kadabra is already kinda spooky looking. But to know that this “pocket monster” was once human makes it downright terrifying! If that’s not enough, Kadabra has a similar look and feel to Baphomet – the Freemason’s god. In all seriousness though, this basically tells us that trainers who have one of these, are “training” a child..to battle monsters..to the death. yup.


Yanmask:

Pokédex Entry: Each of them carries a mask that used to be it’s face when it was human. Sometimes, they look at it and cry. [as per Pokémon Black]

Based on this particular entry, we’re introduced to a pretty deep – yet messed up concept as if it was completely normal. According to this, humans [and trainers alike] can die and ultimately turn into Yamasks. If that’s not bad enough, it basically gets humiliated by losing it’s entirety of its human body except the fucking face: WHICH IT THEN CARRIES AROUND AS A MASK!!


Haunter:

Pokédex Entry: It’s tongue is made of gas. If licked, it’s victim starts shaking constantly until death eventually comes.. [as per Pokémon Silver]

It’s one thing that Haunter‘s tongue is made of gas, I mean it is a ghost – but to know even the slightest of touch will kill it’s enemy? that’s dark..even for what we’ve seen already. The above entry doesn’t even try and deny that fainting is just a term used for death in the Pokémon world! The scariest part of this creature is that if you remember the TV show, during the opening theme, Haunter actually licks Ash‘s Charmander: what does that tell us? the shaking is clearly visible..[check it out here]


Darumaka:

Pokédex Entry: Darumaka’s droppings are so hot, people used to put them in their clothing to keep themselves warm.. [as per Pokémon White]

Although cute, Darumaka is a strange creature; even by Pokémon standards. In a world where all of society seems to only care about pocket creatures that are constantly beating each other up – which seems to be the norm amongst kids – the concept that people are putting scalding hot monster feces in their pockets to “keep warm” is probably the most fucked-up thing on this list – and that’s passing the fact that some Pokémon hold their dead face around.


Cubone:

Pokédex Entry: It always wears the skull of it’s dead Mother, no one has any idea what it’s hidden face looks like. [as per Pokémon Silver]

Hard to believe that as a kid, Cubone was actually my favorite Pokémon, I loved it’s design, it’s move set and even it’s evolve form [Marowak, which has the deceased Mother’s skull fused to it’s face] it blew my mind as I grew older to know that it’s skull mask isn’t a “mask”.. This Pokémon is more depressing than any, and I still love Cubone.


Obviously, there’s more than just these five Pokémon that can be classified as “terrifying”. There’s many psychic types that even go so far as to kidnap kids, or even eat their dreams! And that only marks seven total – out of over 600! But now I ask you: which creepy critter is your favorite? Did it make this list? Let me know in a comment or two! Also, if you found yourself to enjoy this piece, please take a minute and follow me over on Facebook where you can click the “like” button on my Facebook page. By clicking “like”, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been posted. I also share things that will not be featured here on the blog.  So be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share the page with family and friends! The page only needs FIVE more “likes” until we’re at the 100 mark! [there will be a celebratory post when it’s reached!]

THANKS FOR READING.

why “BIG EYES” is going to be FANTASTIC! [Dear Mr. Burton]

I don’t remember if I’ve ever mentioned it on here, but I’m a fairly large Tim Burton fan. I have been since I was a kid with films like Batman, Beetlejuice, and Nightmare Before Christmas. As I grew up, I started growing with the films of Burton – always watching his newest film and eventually calling myself a fan. [I do own all his films on DVD too] However, by becoming a fan of his; I also [inadvertently] became a fan of Johnny Depp. While not a bad thing – everyone is entitled to a favorite actor – I began to attach Depp to Burton specifically: as many people have started doing..

enter Big Eyes Tim Burton‘s new film: It’s his first biopic, since  Ed Wood  which was released 20 years prior to this film. It’s one of Burton‘s first fully human  film in a long time [without the creepy atmospheres that I grew to love so much over the years] – and you know what? I’m thinking that I’m okay with that. The film is also [based on]  a true story – being the story centered around the awakening of painter Margaret Keane, her phenomenal success in the 1950s, only to go through the subsequent legal difficulties she had with her husband, who actually claimed credit for her works in the 1960s. If you look at the IMDb link for the film, you’ll also notice that this film does not have Johnny Depp or even Helena Bonham Carter, but instead, we’re treated to actors such as Amy Adams and even Christoph Waltz!

While some may see this as a risky move, making a film without his main two actors; [best friend/partner] I think it’s going to be fantastic! It’s truly a switch from what we’re used to – and it looks fucking great! The first trailer has actually been released but I was a little slow getting to it [because of work, etc] but now that I’ve officially watched it – I can’t get enough. as a horror fan, I never thought I’d be excited for a biopic! Maybe it’s cause Burton‘s name is attached though. If you haven’t already seen  it, I’ve included the [first] trailer for Big Eyes below. Let me know in a comment or two what you think!

THANKS FOR READING.

warrenisweird’s 05 favorite NON-horror films

Yesterday when I was typing up a [fairly short] review of one of my favorite films ever: Léon The Professional, I came to realize that not all the films I like are actually horror. In fact, it got me curious about what were some of my other film favorites that didn’t involve monsters or slasher type villains. I mean sure – Frankenstein, Dracula, Freddy Krueger, and even Victor Crowley [points to you if you know who I’m talking about!] are all great, but occasionally — a simple mafia man named Tony or a giant lizard; like in The Amazing Spider-Man can be just as scary as a vampire in tight clothing sparkling in the sun. Ugh, I regret making that reference.

That’s where this list comes in: although many of the films I watch/talk about are in the horror genre, there are actually quite a few that I enjoy that simply; aren’t. [most won’t be included in this list — that would take way too long] Another thing to be aware of is that although Léon The Professional should be on this list, I already talked about that film the other day [imagine it being a bonus in this list!] So here we begin with “warrenisweird’s 05 favorite non-horror films; at this moment in time”

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Our first film is a little gem known as Little Miss Sunshine, and it’s quite the catch. It has girls from what looks like “toddlers and tiaras” and swearing Grandpas. It’s about young Olive, who wants to enter the national Little Miss Sunshine beauty Pageant — and her family’s mishaps all the way there. It’s one of those movies that is heart warming but that also kinda makes you sad by the end credits. That dance number finale though!

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STAR WARS is an easy choice for this list. I won’t get too into it [should be obvious!] but It has everything I love in film, and more. It was one of the movie series that got me into sci-fi! Though, some may consider me in the lower class “fan base” because I actually [somewhat] enjoyed the prequels, at least for what they were.. Bring on Episode VII!

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I actually brought the movie Super up when I was talking about celebrity crushes because of Ellen Page in it. It’s a quirky little film [which is on Netflix!] that has all sorts of familiar names: like Rainn Wilson and Kevin Bacon. any superhero with the battle cry “SHUT UP CRIME!” is fucking great in my books!

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When people ask me what my favorite animated film is, I generally think of two: Spirited Away and the one made for this list — How To Train Your Dragon. I remember when I first saw How To Train Your Dragon and I was blown away by the quality in it’s story telling. It made me feel like a kid again, seeing a film that had that much of an impact on me. The sequel was easily as good, if not a little better [which is a rare case!], though I didn’t expect to be feeling on the verge of tears! It made me think one solitary thing: I want a dragon!

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Lastly, we have another somewhat ‘unpopular’ opinion.. I loved the Watchmen graphic novel, it is one of my all time favorites, and deserves being near the top as the best graphic novel of all time. However, when Zack Snider made a movie based on Watchmen, I remember a lot of people not enjoying it. However, I was almost mesmerized by the visuals, the camera work, and the music chosen! It’s one [of many] of my favorite superhero films, Rorschach was fucking perfect, especially since I was worried about putting him on screen. But he was perfection and believable! I am still glad that Snider ditched the alien sequence at the end for the film though..


Obviously, as I said above, these aren’t the only non-horror films I enjoy: I could have mentioned Blade Runner, Avengers, Anchorman and/or a dozen other films. These are just the ones I currently enjoy the most. What are your favorite 05 films that aren’t horror? If you don’t even like horror, what are your 05 favorite films outside your favorite film genre. Let me know in a comment or two!

THANKS FOR READING.