religion

WARRENISWEIRD’S TOP 07 SCARIEST SANTA CLAUS’ IN HORROR

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Christmas, the holiday of cheer, joy and over-commercialization. Family and friends share gifts and meals and enjoy each others company, and Pine trees spread with tinsel and Christmas lists from anxious and over excited children! But behind all of the gifts and shining stars, is a dark and sinister world where Christmas can be a terrifying holiday. During the colder months of the year, this holiday brings about sinister elves, a naughty list, and, most of all: a large man in a red suit climbing down your chimney and into your home! Oh yes, Whether you like it or not, St. Nick is a terrifying figure himself! With Christmas being less than a week away, I’m here to show you not one, but seven Santa Claus‘ that show that a seemingly cheerful holiday is right around the corner from a fearful one! Here are my picks for the scariest Santa Claus’ in horror movies in no particular order! Be warned – as expected, some spoilers may or may not be in each description!

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SAINT [2010]

In many horror films, the creepy Santas are not the “real Santa”, but rather a guy in a Santa suit. This more sinister Santa though, is the real deal. In Saint – a Norwegian horror film – follows the traditional Dutch and Belgian tradition of St. Nicholas [or Sinterklaas as he’s called]. On his own birthday, December 5th, Sinterklaas awakens from his yearly slumber and rides across rooftops on his white horse dropping presents down good children’s chimneys. However, as we see in this film, Sinterklaas is actually fairly sadistic as we see him kidnap [and terrorizes] children! Forget dropping presents, this Santa wants his revenge for his murder centuries ago, and he is willing to take every naughty child along with him.

[watch the trailer here!]

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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM [2012]

Killer Santas can be real demented, and American Horror Story decided to take the classic serial killer Santa and make him just that much worse. This Santa, played by Ian McShane takes a path of revenge for his poor treatment in the asylum, reclaiming his Santa costume to commit more terror in the name of Father Christmas. With a throat that sounds like it’s full of rocks, McShane feels like the be-all-end-all of evil Santas.

[watch the preview for the episode here!]

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SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]

You have to almost feel sorry for the guy! In Silent Night, Deadly Night, a young boy [Billy] watches his parents be murdered at the hands of a man in a Santa suit. He is then raised in a orphanage where he is at the constant abuse at the hands of Mother Superior. As an adult, Billy’s job as a video store clerk has him wear a Santa suit for Christmas holidays, and well, so much for his sanity. This teenage Santa takes the award for most-unlikely-to-don-a-Santa-suit in this horror gem filled with plenty of inventive kills. [“strangulation by Christmas lights”]

[watch the trailer here!]

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RARE EXPORTS [2010]

Here’s one you might not have heard of! Rare Exports is full of original, and deep mythology of giant, humanoid creatures buried deep in the Earth. These myths helped to inspire the image of Santa Claus. In this Finnish film, we see Santa as a monster, not a serial killer or a legend, but a legitimate movie monster. A group of archaeologists uncover something they call “the largest burial mound in the world” only to uncover supernatural beings that punish naughty children. The stakes only rise higher when a reindeer herder captures one of the beasts. Rare Exports is a difficult film to put into one genre since it has elements of horror, fantasy, coming-of-age, and dark comedy – all wrapped in one; but it is a special [and terrifying] film that you need to seek out if you haven’t already!

[watch the trailer here!]

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CHRISTMAS EVIL [1980]

Who doesn’t like Christmas? Christmas Evil is a film that is truly terrifying and is often considered the best holiday horror film next to John Carpenter’s Halloween. Christmas Evil offers a complicated psychopath for the sinister Santa. The film follows a young boy who is traumatized when he discovers that Santa is not real.. by catching Santa getting jolly with his Mother on Christmas Eve[tough break, kid!] Flash forward to when he is an adult, and that boy – now a toy-maker – becomes obsessed with both making toys that children will love and analyzing the way children think. Naturally, society is not kind to grown men who hang around small children, and he is met with stares and angry parents. As expected in these kinds of films, he snaps.

[watch the trailer here!]

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TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [1989]

Arguably my favorite Santa on this list comes from an episode of one of my favortie shows: Tales From The Crypt! This episode gives us a woman who murders her husband, only to become the victim of an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus. What makes this episode so great is the fun performance by Larry Drake as Santa. He plays such a gross and gritty Santa in the best way that I cannot stress how great this short is!

[watch the full episode here!]

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A CHRISTMAS STORY [1983]

Okay, while technically this isn’t a horror film, but this movie is no laughing matter – Santa is still pretty damn scary! For many of us, one scene provides recurring nightmares and ruined mall trips forever – the Santa visit. What makes Ralphie’s Santa visit so terrifying is the reality that he will not get what he wants for Christmas, and even the big man in red will make sure you don’t have it! The bleached white beard and too red nose only make the imagery worse. Then his voice, as he bellows “Ho! Ho! Ho!” as he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his filthy boot just makes you scared! Take note people, Santa doesn’t have to hurt you to be scary!

[watch the trailer here!]


As obvious as it may come across as saying, not all Santas are nice. Whether you dig them up from a mound of dirt, or Santa is out for revenge, each one has their motive to stalk and go after kids.. which Santa was Your favorite? [or least favorite] Did he make Your list? Let me know in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

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REAL HORROR: Training Police Officers on “Satanic Sacrifice” and “Occult Crimes” Video

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Being a guy who was born in the 1990s, I don’t really think about it if I see a badly spelt gang name or a pentagram spray-painted on a high school wall, but would you believe me if I said that there was a time when suburban American families were absolutely terrified of satanic cults? It’s true; Occult rituals were, at a time, prime-time topics because as news stations then broadcasted – there were high reports of stolen babies, threats of ritual sacrifice, and even sexual abuse were all being committed.. under the guise of evil cults who claimed to be worshiping the devil himself.

Call it what you will, but “Satanic Panic” was a big business in the late 80s and early 90s. Naturally, this went on to spawn hundreds of books, videos, and television specials aimed at pushing the fear of the occult into soccer moms and stay at home dads across the country, and it guess what? It worked. In fact, it worked so well that Police and other Law Enforcement agencies across North America began to look into typical graffiti – like the kinds I mentioned above – and investigate the ideology behind the pentagram; stating that it was evidence of what they called “a satanic presence.”

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The face of a true expert.

The Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults is a instructional video that Police were required to watch as part of their “training,” and it’s quite the experience.. On this educational tape, we see “occult experts” with mullets [I mean, it was the 80s] and for those still not convinced, there’s even interviews with alleged victims of satanic rituals! The VHS tape is only 73-minutes long, but it is a glimpse into the “Satanic Panic” era that’s as frightening as it is hilarious.

I’ve always been a huge fan of weird toys, old instructional videos, and other such obscurities. The Law Enforcement Guide to Satanic Cults is no different. It’s a lot of fun to watch, even if you can’t take it seriously. If you feel like you can handle “Satanic content,” [and the mullets!] You can watch the whole video below, and if you manage to watch it until the end, you’ll be treated my favorite part! A clip of a woman [in a bikini] being “prepared” by some older man who seems to be demonstrating “a ritual sacrifice.” Of course, as expected, this final clip is complete with the dotted lines to show where to slice and dice your “victims.”

All laughs aside, I know it’s easy to laugh at the awkward acting, over-the-top assumptions [that are made] and ridiculousness of the video, it’s important to remember – this was actually used to train police! Because of videos like this one, countless metalheads, goth kids, and occult enthusiasts became quickly [and unfairly] singled out as “suspects” in crimes they did not have any part in. In case you weren’t aware, this has happened before.

How do You feel about this “training video?” I know it’s a little obscure, and it’s definitely something from the 1980s, but remember: this was an actual fear that a lot of people had. In their defense, the Law Enforcement Officers were only doing what they thought was right for their respective communities; even if some people were wrongly accused for crimes they did not commit.

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[Friendly Reminder: there was a time when I used to look like this – chances are, I would have been accused of something drastic too! For a more recent photo of me, click here!]


As always, if you find yourself to enjoy what I do on here, then please take a minute and follow me over on my Facebook page [we’re at over 150+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog.

Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends! I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review coming the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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[Lydia was my original goth crush; second only to her]

 THANKS FOR READING.