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WARRENISWEIRD’S TOP 07 SCARIEST SANTA CLAUS’ IN HORROR

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Christmas, the holiday of cheer, joy and over-commercialization. Family and friends share gifts and meals and enjoy each others company, and Pine trees spread with tinsel and Christmas lists from anxious and over excited children! But behind all of the gifts and shining stars, is a dark and sinister world where Christmas can be a terrifying holiday. During the colder months of the year, this holiday brings about sinister elves, a naughty list, and, most of all: a large man in a red suit climbing down your chimney and into your home! Oh yes, Whether you like it or not, St. Nick is a terrifying figure himself! With Christmas being less than a week away, I’m here to show you not one, but seven Santa Claus‘ that show that a seemingly cheerful holiday is right around the corner from a fearful one! Here are my picks for the scariest Santa Claus’ in horror movies in no particular order! Be warned – as expected, some spoilers may or may not be in each description!

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SAINT [2010]

In many horror films, the creepy Santas are not the “real Santa”, but rather a guy in a Santa suit. This more sinister Santa though, is the real deal. In Saint – a Norwegian horror film – follows the traditional Dutch and Belgian tradition of St. Nicholas [or Sinterklaas as he’s called]. On his own birthday, December 5th, Sinterklaas awakens from his yearly slumber and rides across rooftops on his white horse dropping presents down good children’s chimneys. However, as we see in this film, Sinterklaas is actually fairly sadistic as we see him kidnap [and terrorizes] children! Forget dropping presents, this Santa wants his revenge for his murder centuries ago, and he is willing to take every naughty child along with him.

[watch the trailer here!]

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AMERICAN HORROR STORY: ASYLUM [2012]

Killer Santas can be real demented, and American Horror Story decided to take the classic serial killer Santa and make him just that much worse. This Santa, played by Ian McShane takes a path of revenge for his poor treatment in the asylum, reclaiming his Santa costume to commit more terror in the name of Father Christmas. With a throat that sounds like it’s full of rocks, McShane feels like the be-all-end-all of evil Santas.

[watch the preview for the episode here!]

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SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT [1984]

You have to almost feel sorry for the guy! In Silent Night, Deadly Night, a young boy [Billy] watches his parents be murdered at the hands of a man in a Santa suit. He is then raised in a orphanage where he is at the constant abuse at the hands of Mother Superior. As an adult, Billy’s job as a video store clerk has him wear a Santa suit for Christmas holidays, and well, so much for his sanity. This teenage Santa takes the award for most-unlikely-to-don-a-Santa-suit in this horror gem filled with plenty of inventive kills. [“strangulation by Christmas lights”]

[watch the trailer here!]

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RARE EXPORTS [2010]

Here’s one you might not have heard of! Rare Exports is full of original, and deep mythology of giant, humanoid creatures buried deep in the Earth. These myths helped to inspire the image of Santa Claus. In this Finnish film, we see Santa as a monster, not a serial killer or a legend, but a legitimate movie monster. A group of archaeologists uncover something they call “the largest burial mound in the world” only to uncover supernatural beings that punish naughty children. The stakes only rise higher when a reindeer herder captures one of the beasts. Rare Exports is a difficult film to put into one genre since it has elements of horror, fantasy, coming-of-age, and dark comedy – all wrapped in one; but it is a special [and terrifying] film that you need to seek out if you haven’t already!

[watch the trailer here!]

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CHRISTMAS EVIL [1980]

Who doesn’t like Christmas? Christmas Evil is a film that is truly terrifying and is often considered the best holiday horror film next to John Carpenter’s Halloween. Christmas Evil offers a complicated psychopath for the sinister Santa. The film follows a young boy who is traumatized when he discovers that Santa is not real.. by catching Santa getting jolly with his Mother on Christmas Eve[tough break, kid!] Flash forward to when he is an adult, and that boy – now a toy-maker – becomes obsessed with both making toys that children will love and analyzing the way children think. Naturally, society is not kind to grown men who hang around small children, and he is met with stares and angry parents. As expected in these kinds of films, he snaps.

[watch the trailer here!]

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TALES FROM THE CRYPT: AND ALL THROUGH THE HOUSE [1989]

Arguably my favorite Santa on this list comes from an episode of one of my favortie shows: Tales From The Crypt! This episode gives us a woman who murders her husband, only to become the victim of an escaped mental patient dressed as Santa Claus. What makes this episode so great is the fun performance by Larry Drake as Santa. He plays such a gross and gritty Santa in the best way that I cannot stress how great this short is!

[watch the full episode here!]

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A CHRISTMAS STORY [1983]

Okay, while technically this isn’t a horror film, but this movie is no laughing matter – Santa is still pretty damn scary! For many of us, one scene provides recurring nightmares and ruined mall trips forever – the Santa visit. What makes Ralphie’s Santa visit so terrifying is the reality that he will not get what he wants for Christmas, and even the big man in red will make sure you don’t have it! The bleached white beard and too red nose only make the imagery worse. Then his voice, as he bellows “Ho! Ho! Ho!” as he pushes Ralphie down the slide with his filthy boot just makes you scared! Take note people, Santa doesn’t have to hurt you to be scary!

[watch the trailer here!]


As obvious as it may come across as saying, not all Santas are nice. Whether you dig them up from a mound of dirt, or Santa is out for revenge, each one has their motive to stalk and go after kids.. which Santa was Your favorite? [or least favorite] Did he make Your list? Let me know in a comment or two! Be sure to also follow me over on my Facebook page! [we’re at over 170+ likes – let’s get to 200!] By clicking that “like” button, you’ll see every post from warrenisweird the very moment it’s been “gone live” online; and I also share links to articles and pictures/videos that will not be featured here on the blog. So go follow over there too! Every “like” helps me a ton, giving me the ability to write more posts for you to read, so be sure to tell the horror enthusiast in your life to do the same, and share The Facebook Page with your family and friends!

I’ve also been writing way more reviews on my Letterboxd account, this is because I’m trying to review every single movie I watch  – with each review [usually] posted the very next day after viewing! Are you interested yet? Check me out over there and click that “follow” button! I’m just bound to follow you back because I like reading other people’s thoughts on film, as well as writing reviews myself!

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THANKS FOR READING.

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warrenisweird’s top 07 SAW traps

“I’m not that bad..I’m just misunderstood”

This is going to be a long one.. okay, here. we. go! My love for the SAW series is  a fairly complicated one. I enjoy them immensely but like many things, it comes with a price: the loss of story-telling, for the sake of a gratuitous gore-fest. The one thing that did keep my interest the whole series [SAW to SAW: THE FINAL CHAPTER] was, as expected, the traps. In this list, I’m going to share my top 07 traps: one from each film. no repeated films. in chronological order. [from the first film to the last] To make this a bit easier, the traps will be from the films, there will be no traps from the two video games. However, it’s not as simple as choosing seven random traps, if we are to truly “see as he sees”, we must understand the six different kinds of traps [which have also been called “tests” or “games”] that our friend, Jigsaw has set in motion for us. so with all that in mind, do you want to play a game? be mindful of spoilers, cause they’ll be all over the place.

  • Standard Traps – these are usually devices [or situations] applied to a victim [or victims], with the intent of causing serious bodily harm or even death if not removed by completing a given task within a specified time period. There are some traps, however, that are impossible to escape from [such as Amanda‘s inescapable traps.]
  • Competition Traps – these traps tend to involve two [or sometimes more] victims who can each individually pass their own specific test, but the catch is the other victim’s have to fail.
  • Tests – these “games” involve a victim being given a set “rules” or a specific task. [usually told by a tape or by Billy] The outcome of the test is decided based on whether or not the victim follows the “rules” they were given and wins, or if they break  them and ultimately loses. “Losing” generally ends with death of the victim or some other major sort of loss such as suffering serious injuries or even causing the deaths of loved ones.
  • Trials – A series of tests or traps that the subject[s] must face [as opposed to a Standard Trap which only involves a single test] with the intent of “testing” the victim’s psychological progress from the beginning of the film up until the Final test. [see below]
  • Final Tests – The last test in a series of Trials. This “final test” ends in a final decision that is designed to directly relate to and put to use what the victim has [hopefully] learned from each of their trials leading up to this moment.
  • Security Traps – Plain and simple, these traps are designed to put a stop to the progress of the victims and to prevent them from continuing on their path. Sometimes, Security Traps are put in use to protect Jigsaw from police or other intruders.

Hope you took your notes cause with all that in mind, let’s start the list of the top seven SAW traps: for the curious, I will also include a YouTube link to a clip from that specific film’s trap. Enjoy!


REVERSE BEAR TRAP – SAW:

Starting off with a classic, Amanda Young woke up strapped to a chair, in a darkly lit room, with a fair sized metal device locked into her mouth. A video tape showing Billy and the voice of Jigsaw explained that the device on her head was hooked into her upper and lower jaw, and when activated, she would have only sixty seconds to unlock it.. If she failed, it would rip her jaw apart, killing her instantly. If she wanted the key to remove the trap, she would need to get a key..which was kept in the stomach of Amanda’s drug dealer, Donnie Greco, who was lying across the room. When Amanda moved, to remove her restraints, she accidentally activated the timer on the trap. With no other options available, Amanda took a scalpel next to him and willingly cut through his stomach, in order to retrieve the key and freed herself from the trap with a singular second to spare. In the end, Billy rides out on a tricycle, and congratulates her on her survival.


THE NEEDLE PIT SAW II:

Easily one of the more cringe worthy SAW situations: This trap involved a pit found in the middle of a room filled with used syringes. a locked door in the room contained an antidote and was set on a four minute timer; if the timer ran out of time, the door would remain locked forever. The idea was that the victim would have to jump into the pit of needles to find a key to unlock the door. The key was attached to a glow stick hidden among the syringes. [needle in a haystack] The trap was intended for Xavier, [even the tape mentioned him by name] but instead he tossed Amanda into it as he refused to do it. After Amanda found the key, she passed it to Xavier. However, just when Xavier was about to open the door, he dropped the key, ultimately locking the door.


THE ICE MAIDEN – SAW III:

Danica Scott was found chained by her arms in a walk-in freezer, where she was stripped completely naked and had her body sprayed with ice water from twelve different hoses, each of which were linked along two vertical poles on both sides of her. Jeff was forced to decide whether to assist her or let her freeze to death in the freezer room, since Danica was the only witness to the accident which killed Jeff‘s son. [since she fled the scene of the accident and refused to testify against the man responsible] After Danica begged for her life and apologized to Jeff, she was able to convince him to try to save her although it seemed it was very unlikely at first. Jeff‘s task was to find and get the key that would unlock Danica‘s chains, as well as the door which would lead to the next room so the two of them could escape the Freezer Room. The key was found hanging on a chain behind a wall of frozen pipes, just barely out of Jeff‘s reach and the only way he was able to retrieve the key was by leaning enough on the pipes with his face to press against the pipes, causing the flesh off his cheek to stick to it. Grabbing the key, Jeff pulled back, tearing away the flesh from his cheek; but by the time Jeff had obtained the key to free her, Danica had frozen solid, becoming completely frozen in ice.


THE KNIFE CHAIR – SAW IV:

A drug addict named Cecil was placed in what was revealed to be Jigsaw‘s first created trap. He woke up with his arms bound to the armrests of a wooden chair, with blades stabbing upwards, right into his forearms. There was also a panel at the same level as Cecil‘s face which was connected to the arm restraints. Pushing forward would therefore, release the restraints and free him. Jigsaw, who stood by watching, applied a huge apparatus to the chair, consisting of eight blades surrounding Cecil‘s head. Jigsaw then instructed Cecil what to do, telling him that if he was to release himself from the chair, he had to force his face through the blades to push the panel, matching his “internal ugliness” by slashing his face. Cecil, after sitting and screaming for help, finally began pushing his face through the knives while Jigsaw watched. however, before Cecil could complete the test, the wooden chair broke. Standing up with the restraints still dug into his arms, Cecil threatened John, and lunged at him. when Jigsaw swiftly side-stepped, Cecil fell into a pile of hanging razor wire where Jigsaw watched, and left him to die.


TEN PINTS OF SACRIFICE – SAW V:

Brit and Mallick entered the final room of the film – making it their final trap. There were five saws inside five compartments, each with a hole large enough to insert a victim’s arm. The victims were told that they were to insert their hands into the saw-holes [if that makes sense] and sacrifice enough blood to fill a single ten-pint jaw connected to each of the five compartments, which would, in turn, open the door to their freedom and save them from the mounted nail bombs [which were scattered around the room]. The two eventually realized that the original five “test subjects” could have survived each test, had the team cooperated instead of working towards their own individual interests. Since they were stuck in this situation, Brit and Mallick went ahead and inserted their hands into two of the saw-holes, eventually losing half their bodies’ amount of blood [rather than the initial two per victim], resulting in their forearms being sawed directly in half, ending with both passed out from the blood loss.


DON’T BREATHE – SAW VI:

William and the company’s janitor, Hank, wake up in a [fair sized] device, with a breathing mask on each of their faces. Not understanding, they are told that every time one of them takes a breath, the device on them will close in on their stomach. William tells Hank to hold his breath but considering Hank is a smoker, he keeps taking breaths until ultimately, he loses and the clamps close in all the way, which ends with popping his insides almost instantly; allowing William to escape the trap.


SPEAK NO EVIL – SAW THE FINAL CHAPTER:

when Bobby enters one of the rooms, he finds his publicist Nina: restrained in a reclined chair, wearing a straight-jacket with her chin angled towards the ceiling. we see four metal rods attached to a metal machine which is surrounding her, pointed towards her clearly opened neck and with string hanging out of her mouth. Bobby is instructed that he must pull out a key that is attached to a fishing hook which is resting in her stomach, through her mouth within a sixty seconds in order to unlock her bindings or the rods would slowly penetrate her throat. It’s not as simple as that though, because when ever either of them make a noise reaching a certain decibel level, the noise detector beside them would cause the spikes to advance forward, moving them closer, [and closer] threatening Nina more so. Bobby makes numerous attempts to pull the fishing hook out through her mouth, but is forced to stop and quiet her each time she screams. [I mean, damn; I’d just admit defeat at this rate] By the end of it, Bobby actually gets the flesh covered key, but unfortunately, Nina is killed because Bobby was unable to reach the lock in time.


remember which movie this trap came from? sound off below!

So that marks seven traps for seven SAW films, obviously there are a fuck-ton more traps I could have chosen, but I feel that each of the following fits the atmosphere of each film. Do you agree with my choices? What are your top 07 SAW traps? let me know in a comment or two! also, find me on Facebook! thanks for sticking with me through this super long post and as always,

THANKS FOR READING.